Fed Govt. Targeting Unmarried Adults Up to 29 with Abstinence Message

This is one of those news headlines that reads like it's an Onion spoof, only it's not.

According to the report in USA Today, the federal government plans to target unmarried adults up to age 29 with some of the millions of dollars it has earmarked for "public health" abstinence education.

I've got some ideas for other places those millions of dollars might actually be useful, and not downright insulting to people (lest Bush forget) that are old enough to vote.

The politicizing of one's personal life notwithstanding, what's with the cutoff at 29? Are they trying to perpetuate the idea that if you aren't married by 30, you're tragic so you may as well get it if you can?

Hawaii--the U.S.'s secret wedding weapon

I meant to post from Hawaii, really I did. But all I had was some stolen low-signal wireless that worked in my room 10% of the time. Besides, technically I was working--see other blog proof.

Being a freelancer can be tough. You no longer get free stuff sent to you all the time, and you become one of the desperate "assign me! assign me!" types having to kiss editor-ass. But occasionally, it rocks, like say when someone asks if you want to cover the Hawaii Film Festival on the spur of the moment.

One of the first things I noticed is that Hawaii is a major wedding factory. In fact, before you deplane there's an official form to fill out where it asks the reason for your trip. "To Get Married" is the second choice, right under honeymoon. Pleasure/vacation is third.




Judging by the amount of tulle I saw, I would bet that the wedding industry is more important to the Hawaiian economy than plain ol' tourism. Check it out:




Many of the B2Bs are from China, Japan, and Taiwan, and with even the little I saw of Oahu and Maui beaches, I can't say I'm surprised they chose Hawaii for their destination weddings. But I was surprised by the sort of Senor Frogs element in Honolulu--roaming packs of Spring Breakers--and by the prostitutes right outside my hotel on tony Kalakaua Ave, which by day has people flocking stores like Prada, Gucci, and Ferragamo.

me: Did you see the hookers?

S: Those weren't hookers.

me: Um, are you joking?

S: Well, maybe high-class call girls.

me: High-class call girls don't work the streets.

(S thinks this over for a minute)

me: Look at the shoes.

S: Mmm...

me: Don't you know clear plastic platforms are the universal symbol of the world's oldest profession?

The Grand Wailea on Maui had a seaside chapel, so I've got big news!



Kidding!

All in all, the festival was fantastic. Top-notch films from the Pacific Rim and top-notch parties. You can read my festival report here.

Out of the nuptial nuttiness

When a couple gets engaged you see them less and when you do see them it is generally for a wedding-related affair, like a shower, bachelorette or duh, the actual wedding. This weekend Tommy and I caught up with some very good friends who have recently come out of their marriage mayhem.

Below is a shot of Stella and Daisy giving Mike some love. Mike and Geri have some big hearts for dogs, having adopted two from a kill shelter way out in Riverside.

Speaking of big-hearted animal lovers, thanks to all of you who donated to the Race for the Rescues. And thanks to whomever is responsible for "falling back," which made the start time not as heinous.

Race for the Rescues

So I have registered for my first 5k. I have never done one of these before because I feel bad asking people for money, but I have gotten 2 of my 3 pets from rescue organizations and I want to do what I can to help more animals in need.

If you want to help out my team, Friends of Stella, click on the title of this entry and it will take you to my team's page. You can help my joining my team and walking/running on Sunday, or by making a donation.

Maybe I can lure you with celebs? The MC of the event is Jane Lynch from Best in Show and the 40 Yr old Virgin and Post Race Activities include:"Walk of Paws Celebrity Art Auction"

This years participants:
PAULA ABDUL
JESSICA ALBA
DREW BARRYMORE
JASON BIGGS
JIM BELUSHI
COURTENEY COX & DAVID ARQUETTE
CARMEN ELECTRA
FAMKE JANSSEN
JEFFREY DEAN MORGAN FROM GREYS ANATOMY
AMANDA PEET
LIONEL RICHIE
ERIC ROBERTS
NBA LEGEND BILL WALTON
WOLFGANG PETERSEN
Many many more TBA!

Can you really say no to Paula?
Valerie

Val in Europe

When Tommy and I were trying to figure out where to go for vacation our criteria was that it be:
1. As inexpensive as possible
2. Somewhere we had never been before
3. Nice to visit in October (the only time we could go)
4. A place we could get to with Frequent Flier miles.

First we considered Vietnam. It is cheap. We had never been there before. We didn't get as far as checking the weather because first, I am lame and am scared of the Bird flu. Second, one of their main ingredients is fish oil. Tommy hates fish. Third, I don't eat port or cilantro, and Vietnamese food is chock-full of both. I am not saying that you should rule out a country because of their food, but if you go on vacation every 3 years or so, hating the food will put a damper on the whole trip, especially when you can't read the menu to find out if you are ordering a fish oil, pork, cilantro stew! So Vietnam was OUT.

Next we considered Argentina. A good friend of mine loves the city and I trust his taste. Everything I read about it sounded amazing. It seemed like Buenos Aires was one of those cities that in five years will be considered "ruined" by a growing number of tourists (uh, like me?) It sounded promising.

Then, a good friend moved to Amsterdam and a friend in London had her own big news: she was pregnant. Tommy and I have been to both cities and with the exchange rate, neither city was a deal. Ahh, but we have friends......and we could stay with them!


Staying with friends is definitely the way to go. We got to spend time with people we rarely see on their home turf. A vacation is much more relaxed when you are staying in a home. Hotels require that every meal be eaten out and time spent in a hotel room feels like wasted vacation time. Why sit around watching International CNN when you could be exploring?

If you haven't been to Amsterdam, you should definitely go. The canals are gorgeous and the city is really small.



Give yourself a week and you can easily get the lay of the land. Also, nobody drives. People get around on bikes. I think that Amsterdam is an overlooked city. Maybe that's a good thing though. We stayed with our friend there for almost 10 days (thanks, Tad!) and it was great. We had a real home base. We went grocery shopping in local markets which saved us money and gave us a peek into a more real Amsterdam. What do people eat? What kind of weird chips do they have? What the hell is BioYogurt?

For some reason, stopping in mid-day at Tad's didn't feel like wasted time. It felt like we lived in the city.

We did get out of the city for a few days. Tommy and I rented a car (an Opal that rocked) and drove along the Rhine. It was as if we were transported to "Once Upon a Time" territory: medieval towns, castles, fortresses. Amazing.



I recommend spending at least a week in one city. Most of us go to Europe and try to pack in as much as possible. Sort of a "how many countries can I see in 14 days" thing. Staying in one place takes some of the pressure off. You don't feel like you have to pack each day we visiting culturally significant places. You can spend a day just wandering, or hang out in a cafe for hours without feeling like you are "wasting time."

Parting question: why is it that we don't frequent museums in our own cities, but when we travel we feel like we have to see every museum and monument we can?

Go Dove!

Photoshop is only the beginning

We all know that photos are airbrushed, but this video is really eye-opening.

I knew a girl who once said, "if I lost weight, got a nose job, had clearer skin and was taller, I could totally be a model." With these techniques she wouldn't have to do a thing.

I've Got Big News!

Funny how before you get engaged, I've Got Big News = Engaged, but after it means BABY! No I am not having a baby, but we do have a new family member. Meet Stella. We got her on Labor Day and she has been amazing.

I am a big Cesar Milan fan and we have followed his tips to the T, and let me tell you, they all work. Don't get me started on Cesar because you will never shut me up (as many of you know).

The cats are not so thrilled. To date we have 2 bed poops (both on Tommy's side) and one barf but no pee! Sometimes you have to find the bright spot....

Lauren Greenfield's Thin

Last night I went to a screening of Lauren Greenfield's documentary "Thin." Greenfield is a acclaimed photojournalist whose book "Girl Culture" profiled women and teens all over the US. One of her subjects was a patient at Renfrew, a FL eating disorder clinic. Greenfield went to Renfrew for the film, and featured four girls who are struggling to overcome anorexia. As Greenfield put it, she started out exploring how women use their bodies to express themselves, and eating disorders are an extreme version of using the body as a voice.

This is not the Hollywood sternum-chic version of anorexia. These girls don't have extensions to cover up hair loss, or a makeup artist to work on the premature aging caused by starvation. It's disturbing but well worth watching. To see their neuroses and behavior writ large is incredible considering the nature of the disease--it's its own private hell. "Thin" is premiering on HBO November 14th. Check it out if you can.


And for those of you in L.A., the photos from her accompanying book, Thin, will be showing at the Fahey/Klein Gallery. Reception is tomorrow evening from 7-9 pm, 148 North La Brea Ave.

To Be Married Means to Be Outnumbered

This story in Sunday's NYT about how married couples no longer make up the majority of households in America has caused quite a fuss. Check out the front page of Yahoo! (we love the "Buck the Trend: Find Your Mate" headline--way to spin the news, people.)



In the article, William H. Frey states, “This would seem to close the book on the Ozzie and Harriet era that characterized much of the last century,” which only reinforces a tired, media-fabricated ideal of marriage that never existed in the first place. We went back and looked at some of our research for the book that didn't make it in. In fact Stephanie Coontz, (who was also cited multiple times) points out in her book The Way We Never Were several facts that burst the Beaver/Cleaver myth:

In the 1950’s between 25-33% of the marriages contracted eventually ended in divorce.

Two million legally married people lived apart from each other.

The proportion of Caucasian brides who were pregnant at marriage more than doubled.

Can we for once and for all stop comparing ourselves to some false notion of our history? Perhaps then rather than seeing today’s trends as a loosening of our country’s moral fiber we could see it for what it truly is: people making more honest choices about partners and relationships.

Now if only women can get away from the tired, media-fabricated ideal of a wedding as the biggest day in her life...

Believe it or Knot

Throughout our book, we put little factoids explaining some of the origins of marriage traditions and expressions, which are often so inane that you can't believe people still follow them. I just found a new gem that I need to share:

"Always the bridesmaid, never the bride" was originally an ad slogan for Listerine.

That's right, Madison Ave. (again) is the source of that stigma. The logic is so simple-minded:
women who use listerine=marriage-worthy
women who don't=destined for spinsterhood

It kinda reminds me of watching that terrible show about finding Mr. Right that featured a commercial for KY's Sensual Mist as the key to a successful relationship.

A good cause and I met Huell!

To those of you not familiar with this man you are really missing out. He has a number of shows on our local PBS station which are basically all about his love of California. He travels around, visiting small towns and California-based businesses. One show was all about a town named Juilan that is known for its apple pie. Well, I consider myself a bit of an apple pie expert so I went to Julian to check it out. The pie was so-so, but the drive was gorgeous and I learned about a whole new area of CA.

An incentive during the KCET pledge drive was a night at the Drive In with Huell. Of course I signed up. I feel good about giving money to KCET, got to see a fabulously campy movie called The Queen From Outer Space, starring a young Zsa Zsa Gabor AND met Huell Howser! How much better can it get you ask? How about that we stopped for dessert at Chili's on the way home. Sometimes a girl needs her chain restaurants, ya know?

More on the movie at a later date.

I don't need Tiffany but

I find this sort of depressing.



It seems odd to me that you can order an engagement ring from Amazon. Now, don't get me wrong, I love Amazon, but getting an engagement ring from them seems off. I guess it falls into the "what you don't know won't hurt you" category but I am not a fan.

Save calories and cash

So yesterday I went to Chipotle, which I love, and ordered my standard burrito bowl (with lettuce in lieu of rice). Usually I also order a side of chips and use them as edible spoons. By the end of a meal I am sick-full and have eaten a ton more calories than I would have by just ordering tacos or a burrito.

Last night I had an epiphany, and ordered an empty taco shell which I broke into pieces. Not only did the taco act as portion control, it was also FREE!

I saved money, calories and about an hour of "I feel sick, I shouldn't have finished those chips" bitching.

Jennifer Wilbanks Says "I Sue!"

The clock has ticked way past her fifteen minutes, but Jennifer Wilbanks is making headlines again for her tacky-ass behavior. She's taking her former fiance to court to win her share of things--including (love this part) wedding shower gifts.

If ever there was a poster girl for the Lobridemy victim, it's this:


I think my favorite thing I've seen is the comment on agentbedhead.com where someone named slug writes:

Ah, that wide-eyed, unfocused, deer-in-the-headlights stare sure does take me back to my mid-20s and a series of psychotic, marry-me-now-my-biological-clock-is-running-out lunatics that make me appreciate that I am no longer in the dating pool.

Ladies, don't be that girl. Ever.

Poor Jen

I am not sure why I find the headline "WHY JEN CAN'T FIND LOVE" so disturbing, but I do. It doesn't seem to me like she has a problem finding men to date.

Now I do know some women who truly can't find love and would love to know why, but Jen? I think that she is going to be just fine.

And how would you feel if, after a breakup, you found out that your friends were sending around an e-mail about why you can't find love? Wait, I think that I have written some of those myself. Kidding!

Abandon Hope All Ye Who Enter Here

It's almost my fake wedding day!

Earlier this summer, Val & I decided to conduct a little research for the book by going “undercover” at a Bridal Expo.

We took the metro downtown (riding the subway in L.A. made it feel all the more Woodward and Bernstein), and somehow wound up at a boat convention. Despite all the guys in docksiders, this was definitely more appealing than the outer circle of hell we were about to enter into.

We finally found our way to the fair and registered as brides-to-be so we could see how potential vendors might treat us. After filling out the mandatory little cards with our “dates”—I picked Oct. 10, 2006--(no one seemed to notice that was a Tuesday), I got a "Bride" sticker to wear. Ok, not a ring, exactly, but it was something—and I got handed a pink plastic bag. Then we entered the throngs of squealing girls and the occasional frightened looking groom-to-be. You walk up and down rows where everyone’s got a little table offering their wares—cheap cream you can personalize and give as favors! honeymoon resort packages! wedding videographers! DJs! Makeup artists! people who will freeze-dry your bouquet! The wedding industry at its worst and most desperate.

Next was the fashion show. Clearly, the wedding show producers took this as seriously as though it were Olympus Fashion Week, but the actual caliber was a lot more like your senior talent show in high school. The local amateur models were no doubt working for free--and likely would never get a paying gig anywhere. I kept thinking Christopher Guest needed to set a film in the world of traveling low-budge bridal expo producers. And then of course there were the door prizes: People were encouraged to do all manner of embarrassing things for crap prizes, like $200 off DJ services (the DJ who happened to be emceeing the show).

Here’s the sneaky trick: everywhere you go, everyone is offering a contest—and who doesn’t love free stuff? I dutifully filled out the entry forms like a good little faux B2B--after all, shouldn’t I be able to win a honeymoon to Bali, too?

A few days after the expo, the emails and strange calls starting coming…apparently, when you write your name on anything, they sell it to everybody! I won “plates” even though I knew I had never entered the contest, which could be “mine” after my “fiancé” and I attended some weird demonstration. I’ve had to unsubscribe from the latest newsletters from DJs I never talked to.

Yup, just another way the wedding-industrial complex makes money off of you.

But I did hang on to that "bride" sticker for a while...

Engagement Quest? Not for Scarlett

We make a big point in the book about celebrity culture, and how it can have a really negative impact on you and your expectations for your own life. But recently, I was visiting the folks and flipping through my mom’s Instyle. And I really liked something Scarlett Johannsson said:

"Of course I want to get married, but I’m way too young. I’m not ready to sacrifice a lot of things in my lifestyle just to have an engagement ring."

Frankly dear readers, Scarlett is right on. It made me not have the usual throwup-in-my-mouth-a-little-feeling that I usually get when I read celeb profiles. This—-and the fact that she’s one of the few starlets who hasn’t erected a career solely on plastic surgery, hair extensions, being dressed by Rachel Zoe, and a lifetime Mystic tan membership kinda made me like her.