Tuesday, July 15, 2008

Q & A: Should a Booted Bridesmaid Still Go to the Wedding?

I was recently (re: yesterday) kicked out of the bridal party for a friend of over 13 years. To keep a long story short, I have not been “enthusiastic enough, involved enough, or helpful enough” for her liking. I was told that all the other bridesmaids have been begging her for duties that they can do to assist her (by the way, they all live across the country), while I have not (also, I didn’t realize that I was supposed to help put together someone else’s wedding). To be honest, this whole wedding process has been a nightmare, especially since she used to be sweet and fun, but ever since she started planning this wedding, the crazy part took over her brain and she’s been insufferable ever since. After demoting me, she asked if I would still attend the wedding as a guest. I was flabbergasted and told her I’d have to call her back and let her know. After a long talk with my mother, we agreed I shouldn’t go, and I cancelled all my travel plans. My questions are: do I owe it to her to call her back and let her know; should I chalk up her behavior to Bridezilla syndrome and forgive and let it go and realize that she’ll be (hopefully) normal once the wedding is over; should I try to reconcile after the wedding; or is this a friendship I should write off? At this point, I’d be happy never speaking to her again.
Thank you for your help,
Stewing in Silverado


Dear S.I.S.: Forgive the bad wordplay, but is your friend in an "altared" state, or has she always been sort of a pain in the butt? Think about it this way: do you feel relief at the thought of her not being in your life? If so, you've canceled your plans, so do let her know you won't be attending and then consider yourself liberated. Take the $100 you would have spent on her gift and treat yourself. If you think you are going to regret this down the line, see if you can reinstate your travel plans and explain that you'll be attending as a guest and are happy to do so. (Just stick clear of being too close to her during this period.) If it's too late to reinstate, then simply call her and have a heart-to-heart, (baring in mind that she's still temporarily insane). Tell her you were upset and canceled your travel plans but you value her friendship and hope in time, you will both get past this. A good friend will forgive you and realize the error of her ways once the tulle is packed away. And read Ch. 2 "Lobridemized!" for more insight into women under the influence.

3 Comments:

Blogger LosingIt said...

Thank you so much for the advice, it's spot on and makes me feel much better knowing I wasn't riding the crazy train. I did send her an email letting her know that I would be willing to work on the friendship after the wedding, but I haven't heard anything back yet. Again, thanks for all your help!

6:48 AM  
Blogger Miss Kate said...

I wish this post would have been around 6 years ago when I was booted from maid of honor duties and then asked to be the bride's personal attendant, which to her meant that I was to be her unpaid wedding coordinator. Somehow the friendship survived, but I didn't think I had an alternative.

1:06 PM  
Blogger Nadia Sam Cyrus said...

Yes, I agree that you should owe it to her to call her back, but don't worry to try to reconcile after the wedding. You then will be happy and she will always remind of your kindness.
Bridal Shower Thank You Poem

5:51 PM  

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