Cougars: empowered females or yet another double standard?

I first heard this expression from a friend who was horrified to discover that she was, in fact, a "cougar," which she defined as a single woman in her late 30's. I didn't think much of it, but the term seems to keep popping up.

The more I hear the term the more I dislike it. I didn't watch Age of Love but I believe they are pitting "cougars" against "kittens". I'm horrified. First of all, why are women (and their private lady parts) always cats? Becausee men are dogs? I dunno. I just hope the kitten thing doesn't stick.

Sitting down to write this entry, I decided to Google "cougar" and came across the Urban Cougar, a site that celebrates, or "owns" the term. From their site:

urbancougar: it's not a stigma, it's a sophisticated species of female who seeks the pleasure of younger males. She avoids the entanglements of a "relationship," in favor of the freedom of the hunt.

She has overcome the taboos related to her sexual identity, embraced her true self, and now lives her life to its fullest. Always one for adventure, she knows what she wants and isn't afraid to get it!

This website is a celebration of the urbancougar lifestyle, the women who embody it, and the prey who love them for it!

The idea of owning a negative stereotype has never worked for me. This site may embrace the term, but I have never heard men refer to a cougar in a positive away, unless you consider an easy one night stand to be positive.

Here is one definition from Urban Dictionary,

A 35+ year old female who is on the "hunt" for a much younger, energetic, willing-to-do-anything male. The cougar can frequently be seen in a padded bra, cleavage exposed, propped up against a swanky bar in San Francisco (or other cities)waiting, watching, calculating; gearing up to sink her claws into an innocent young and strapping buck who happens to cross her path. "Man is cougar's number one prey"

I hate this. I am so tired of women being subjected to tired stereotypes. Really tired of it. Women are slinky, stealthy, on the hunt, trying to ensnare a man. Sheeesh.

I hate to bring up George Clooney yet again, but why are men certified bachelors, and women cougars? Why do we need a name at all?

Thoughts?

Are wedding shows girl porn?

Watching "I Propose" last night (I call it research) I started to wonder how many women are really interested in watching other women's Big Days. I tend to think that women dislike other women. Let's face it, we are not the kindest to our sisters. We judge outfits, fat rolls, loser boyfriends, and plastic surgery. Kathy Griffin was talking about how women hate other women and I tend to agree. That said, why are we watching other women's boyfriends plan elaborate proposals? Why do we watch A Wedding Story?
Watching Bridezillas makes sense; we get to laugh at other women acting like psychos, but the others have me stumped.

Do we watch these shows to reaffirm our belief in true love? Are we living vicariously through these women? Are women watching and thinking, "if it happened for her it can happen for me?" After a glass (or 3) of Sauvignon Blanc I came up with the Girl Porn theory. We watch these shows in secret, when our boyfriends are away, when our roommates are out for the night. They are part of our secret single behavior. We can't get enough either, judging by the ever-increasing number of them.

Do you watch these shows? And if so, why?

Thrifty or Tacky: A faux wedding cake

A friend sent me this article about renting a wedding cake. I am not sure how I feel about it yet, so I thought I would do a short pro's and con's list. First, here is the description from the company whose idea it was:

Wedding cakes are the center of any wedding party. However, the cost of wedding cakes can skyrocket, also the possibility of falling over during transportation, heat and humidity for the outdoor weddings can be a major concern.

We provide a service, where you can rent the beautifully designed centerpiece wedding cake. The main cake is covered with real fondant, however the inside is made of foam and there is small compartment to place a small portion of edible cake for the ceremony. After the couple's 'feeding each other' act, the display cake is taken back into the kitchen and the guests are served regular sheet cakes from the local bakery or wholesale store.

After the wedding day, you slide the cake back into its box, drop it off at any UPS store and that's it! As soon as we receive the box, we refund your deposit.

Pro:No cake falling down in transport fiascos.
Con: No cake falling down in transport fiascos. America's Funniest Home Videos just lost a few entries

Pro: Kids cannot stick their fingers in it.
Con:: No con there. I cannot eat food from most households that contain children (though there are some exceptions (Suzanne)because I fear the nasty child fingers.

Pro: Couples can save a lot of money by getting their cake from outside the Wedding Industrial Complex
Con: It could come from Costco and be full of partially hydrogenated fear and I would never know. I tend to think that wedding cakes are made from scratch, hence why I eat them. That it could be from a nasty supermarket seems sad to me.

Be on the lookout for this new way to save at your slew of summer weddings. It could be another game to play: is the cake real, or is it foam?

p.s.
Overall this feel very postmodern to me. Excuse the attempt to translate Jean Luc Baudrillard but if you have a fake cake, and the cake is a simulation of a real wedding cake, what is next? It reminds me of how Westerners (White people) living in Japan would serve as fake wedding officiants at wedding facilities for Japanese couples who want a Western ceremony (cake, white dress, here comes the bride song.) These guys would just be acting like they were marrying the couple. Strange.

Style Network's new show "I Propose" sinks both sexes deeper into the Bridal Wave

As part of their 21 Day Wedding Party,the Style Network is airing a new show called, "I Propose," in which:

"we follow a fellow who's poised to pop the question. While his unsuspecting girlfriend participates in what she thinks is a new series highlighting unique relationships, the groom-to-be is busy coordinating the magical moment."

I knew that men felt the pressure to propose in some kind of "right" way, but I am surprised that any guy would sign up for this show, considering it pays a measly $1,000 (a drop in the bucket of your average $26k wedding.) But then I read on and it seems like this show is tapping into the recent trend of what Erin likes to call the Princess Groom:

"and don't the gentlemen who bring extraordinary flair and finesse to the occasion deserve their own moment in the spotlight?"

Have men been feeling slighted by the Wedding Industrial Complex? Well now they too can feel the Big Day pressure,

"In each half-hour episode, Our cameras roll as the future groom tries to coordinate everything--from finding the right ring to booking the ideal location. It's hardly a piece of cake as he fights to stay within budget and on schedule, racing against the clock to pull everything together. And then there's the small matter of handling his future in-laws..."

So I am left torn between
1. Hating this show for adding yet another 30 minutes of Wedding hoopla to the air and
2. Loving that this seems to be leveling the playing field between the sexes. Not only are men going to feel the stres of "the spotlight," the Style Net doesn't want any uglies. Their casting call specifically called for "attractive" men only. Awesome.

I guess I am going to have to watch tonight.


[full disclosure: I sooo wish we had pitched our own wedding season show and I would love to be a partner with the Style Network at some point....seriously....call me.]

Wedding Season survival tips

Last night Erin and I shimmied in a burlesque class at Goddess Life as part of an event that the Step Up Women's Network had for us. After the class we read from our book, shared some of our bachelorette horror stories (which you can read here) and then we had the women break off into smaller groups to come up with different survival tips for a busy wedding season. Many of them are also in our book, but since 'tis the season, we thought we'd share them with you.

Ways to save on...

Ways to save on wedding attire:
1. H&M
2. Get one plain dress that you can wear over and over again and change it up by switching accessories
3. Go with a two-piece outfit so you can mix and match

Ways to have fun at your umpteenth wedding:
1. Drink

Ways to save when throwing a shower/bachelorette:
1. potluck
2. have the party at a house instead of a bar
3. delegate. Assign different tasks to attendees so everyone shares in the work (and cost)

Ways to save on gift/creative gift ideas:
1. Sweet Scrabble: buy Scrabble and glue in a cute, scrabbly way, the couple's names and their wedding day and maybe something sweet like "happy together" or whatever works with your letters. Then glue ribbon around it so the happy couple can hang it on their wall
2. Give the bride a lovely frame with an even lovelier photo of the two of you in it. Then insert a note that says "replace with a wedding photo of you and (husband's name.
3. Buy an inexpensive item from the registry and augment it with things that match. For example, buy some bbq tools and augment with an apron, mesquite chips, bbq sauce.

The event sparked a new Bachelorette idea: Find a local dance studio that offers a fun class like Burlesque, or belly dance and rent it out for your party. It's a great way to break the ice with girls who might not know each other and it is the perfect start to a risque evening. Remember ladies, leave the cameras at home!

Today is Old Maid's Day....no, really

I knew that there were a lot of random holidays, but my goodness, who would ever have invented this one? Ok, when you read the explanation you realize that Old Maid did not yet mean what it means today, but maybe it is time to put this one to rest? Or maybe this day should be embraced and June 4th should be the biggest ladies night of all?

Origin of Old Maid Day:

The year was 1946 (or thereabouts). WWII was over, and millions of soldiers were returning home. There was a huge increase in marriages. Somewhere during this time, it was noted that there were plenty of Maidens waiting for the returning GIs. And, the ladies were not getting younger as they awaited the return of their GI. The long war had disrupted and put on hold many relationships. And, many GIs did not return home. Dances and socials were held to bring together returning soldiers and the many available, unmarried ladies. It is from this occurrence that Old Maid's Day emerged.

Q & A: 7/7/07 The Most Popular Wedding Date This Year

Dear E & V: I've got 4, yes, 4, invites to weddings on 7/7/07. Why the frenzy and how the heck am I supposed to decide which wedding to go to, since I haven't figured out how to clone myself? -- Exasperated in Elon

Dear Exasperated: Far be it for us to criticize a couple who thinks the triple-seven is lucky, since if you are planning a $27,000 (AVG!) event, luck shouldn't have anything to do with it, right?

It probably has more to do with the "once in a century" opportunity of the same number month-date-year falling on a Saturday that contributes to the couple's feeling that this is a special day, never to be experienced again, and therefore part of their unique story. (Of course, with the record numbers of weddings skedded for 7/7/07, "unique" is not the word we'd choose.) It's also quite possible that the couple just liked the way triple 07s looked on their save-the-dates and invites.

But the real question is: how do you deal with multiple invites? Say you’ve got three different invites for Labor Day (brides love to think that there’s no better way you’d want to spend a holiday weekend than at their wedding). Your little trick to deciding who makes the cut? Obviously the first rule should be your relationship to
the person. If you were getting married, would it really mean a lot if this person was there? The second rule should be reverse strategy: if you got the invite about three weeks before the actual date, face it: You’re a C-lister to her, so why bother stressing about showing up?

Send a lovely note with your decline, and don't forget the gift!