Tuesday, March 20, 2007

The Annals of Being a Bridesmaid #5: OUR WINNER!

Thanks to everyone who entered our contest. We received some amazingly bad/fabulous tales and will continue to roll them out in the coming months, just as wedding season kicks in. (And if you have any new tales you've got to share, keep 'em coming. We always love to hear from you.) In the meantime, we wanted to share the winning entry, in all its cringe-worthy glory:

Looking back, I should have known I was in for trouble when Sidney* asked me to be her bridesmaid. You see, I was a second choice bridesmaid. Her first choice got pregnant and literally couldn't stand up. Because I was asked a mere two weeks before the wedding I had to buy the dress that the original bridesmaid purchased. I paid $275 for the dress, which was 4 sizes too big. Then we all had to wear sliver platform open toed shoes (another $75.00) Our toes and nails were manicured to have purple butterflies on them ($60.00) and our bouffant up-dos had to match exactly ($50.00) If that wasn't bad enough, the tacky-ass bride insisted we wear pantyhose with our open toed shoes.

Then Sidney got caught screwing the groomsman (her fiance’s little brother who was supposed to be my escort down the aisle) in the limo before the ceremony. Unbelievably, the wedding was still on but since the groomsman was kicked out, my bridesmaid services were no longer needed because God forbid there be an uneven number of bridesmaids to groomsmen.

My grand total for the privilege of not walking down the aisle and having to attend the reception in a heinous dress? $460.00 + the other cash I spent on the shower and bachelorette.. And I didn't even get the cheap, ugly jewelry gift...she gave it to the original bridesmaid who backed out.

The cost of her husband coming out of the closet last year? Priceless.


*NOT HER REAL NAME

Congratulations to Christina Courser! We hope she buys something really nice for herself with that gift card, courtesy of Random House. And ladies remember: You don't have to be a bridesmaid just because someone asks you.

In the immortal words of Nancy Reagan, just say "no."

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