The Bridal Wave Blog

The Bridal Wave on The Washington Post

2008-09-05T12:18:00.000-07:00

As part of The Washington Post's Wedding Week, we'll be doing a Q & A. Here are the details:

Tuesday, September 9, 2008; 1:00 PM

Are you dreading checking your mailbox for fear of finding another stack of save-the-date cards? Do you feel like Bridget Jones, sitting at the singles table in a world of Smug Marrieds? Erin Torneo and Valerie Cabrera Krause can relate. The authors of The Bridal Wave: A Survival Guide to the Everyone-I-Know-Is-Getting-Married-Years will be online Tuesday, September 9 at 1 p.m. ET to commiserate and to get you back in the mood to go shake your booty to We Are Family one more time.

Submit your questions and comments here.

Lost in Translation

2008-08-25T11:15:00.001-07:00

The Bridal Wave's Russian cover:

Q & A: Should a Booted Bridesmaid Still Go to the Wedding?

2008-07-15T11:45:00.000-07:00

I was recently (re: yesterday) kicked out of the bridal party for a friend of over 13 years. To keep a long story short, I have not been “enthusiastic enough, involved enough, or helpful enough” for her liking. I was told that all the other bridesmaids have been begging her for duties that they can do to assist her (by the way, they all live across the country), while I have not (also, I didn’t realize that I was supposed to help put together someone else’s wedding). To be honest, this whole wedding process has been a nightmare, especially since she used to be sweet and fun, but ever since she started planning this wedding, the crazy part took over her brain and she’s been insufferable ever since. After demoting me, she asked if I would still attend the wedding as a guest. I was flabbergasted and told her I’d have to call her back and let her know. After a long talk with my mother, we agreed I shouldn’t go, and I cancelled all my travel plans. My questions are: do I owe it to her to call her back and let her know; should I chalk up her behavior to Bridezilla syndrome and forgive and let it go and realize that she’ll be (hopefully) normal once the wedding is over; should I try to reconcile after the wedding; or is this a friendship I should write off? At this point, I’d be happy never speaking to her again.
Thank you for your help,
Stewing in Silverado

Dear S.I.S.: Forgive the bad wordplay, but is your friend in an "altared" state, or has she always been sort of a pain in the butt? Think about it this way: do you feel relief at the thought of her not being in your life? If so, you've canceled your plans, so do let her know you won't be attending and then consider yourself liberated. Take the $100 you would have spent on her gift and treat yourself. If you think you are going to regret this down the line, see if you can reinstate your travel plans and explain that you'll be attending as a guest and are happy to do so. (Just stick clear of being too close to her during this period.) If it's too late to reinstate, then simply call her and have a heart-to-heart, (baring in mind that she's still temporarily insane). Tell her you were upset and canceled your travel plans but you value her friendship and hope in time, you will both get past this. A good friend will forgive you and realize the error of her ways once the tulle is packed away. And read Ch. 2 "Lobridemized!" for more insight into women under the influence.

20-Somethings and the Cash Crunch

2008-04-17T09:58:00.000-07:00

US News & World Report's new issue features a "Money Guide for 20-Somethings", a series of articles on dealing with debt, living paycheck to paycheck, and yes, how to attend wedding after wedding when you are strapped for cash.

Affianced couples cross their fingers for continued global warming

2008-03-09T10:59:00.000-07:00

I have been terrible about blogging recently, but saw this article,"A Bouquet and a Space Heater" by Kathryn Shattuck in today's NYT style section and had to comment.

A cynic might say that engaged couples are able to make everything about themselves, even global warming.

Alison Evans and her fiancé, Aaron Davis, are to marry next Saturday on Kent Island, Md., in the Chesapeake Bay. The ceremony is to be held “indoors, if it’s colder than 70 degrees, and outdoors if it’s warmer,” Ms. Evans said. “With global warming, you know you have a good chance.”

And of course, the wedding industrial complex feels just terrible and hates to say it, but hey, for them global warming ain't all bad.

“The weather has been a lot more cooperative,” said Kelly Melius, president and director of sales and marketing for the estate....“I almost hate to say it,” Ms. Melius said, sighing. “The weather may be bad for the environment, but it’s very good for business.”

Classic.

Compete to be a Maid of Honor: Are you maid enough?

2008-02-29T10:26:00.000-08:00

Seriously folks, got this on one of the networking sites I belong to. Personally, when I told my friends I would not be having a wedding party I heard a large sigh of relief. Do women actually wantthis "honor"? Granted there are some benefits to being the MOH: you can call some of the shots, you can boss around the other girls and you can choose to wear a different dress than the rest of the gals in the party. But to go on TV and argue your case for why you should be the MOH? Sounds very 5th grade, "I'm your best friend" to me. But for those of you who need a free dress and cake, maybe give it a go.

BRIDES - CAN'T CHOOSE YOUR MAID OF HONOR?
Top LA Production Company is casting Southern California brides and
their bridesmaids, ages 21-35, to be part of a sassy new wedding show
for a major cable network.

The show will help out the blushing bride who just can't seem to
choose between her bridesmaids for the coveted role of Maid of Honor.
And with all the other stresses of planning a wedding, this show will
help her to see who is the best woman for the job!

Through a series of bridal related challenges, our bride will let the
women in her life battle it out to prove they are maid enough. Do
they know the bride better than anyone else? Can they choose the most
stylish bridesmaid dress that they know she will love?

If you are a bride with a big decision to make and 6 or more
bridesmaids to choose from, we want to help! Let us know what has
made this choice so tough, and tell us about all the lovely ladies you
are choosing between.

If you make the cut, your bridal party will need to be available in
Mid-March for 4 days of filming in the LA Area.

The show will pay for the bridesmaid dresses and the wedding cake! We
are also giving stipends to all participants.

To apply, email us a little bit about yourself and send a recent
picture to swillebrand@44blue.com

Hurry - casting deadline is approaching fast!

Bridal Wave Korean cover & 27 Dresses

2008-02-04T15:44:00.000-08:00

The Korean addition of The Bridal Wave is out! Love the girl in the chair, the English language font, however, is a bit goth. It kinda looks like Bridal Mave, which makes me think of Bridal Mauve. (Perhaps fitting if you are talking about bridesmaid dresses.)

Which reminds us, 27 Dresses has the right idea about some things, but honestly, why would Katherine Heigl's character be excited about being a bridesmaid that many times? The fact that we're supposed to buy that, and the fact that she's apparently the "mousey" sister courtesy of a little brown hair dye just don't really fly.

Traveling Alone Tips

2007-12-05T10:14:00.000-08:00

There's a section in our book on traveling solo, but wanted to let you know there's also a recent NY Times article that has some good resources in it. You can click on the link above or read it all here:

One Is No Longer the Loneliest Number

By MICHELLE HIGGINS
Published: December 2, 2007

SURE, traveling alone can be an extremely freeing experience, with no one else to slow you down or bicker with over which sights to see along the way. But it can also be a drag. When you’re hauling your bags around on your own, or when the only other single on your hiking tour is the guide or after your third sunset dinner on the hotel’s veranda — alone — traveling by yourself can lose its allure.

Until recently, travel options for singles were largely limited to trips of the packaged-tour variety, with everyone thrown into one enormous group or just one step removed from a dating service. Now that’s beginning to change.

As travel companies look for new ways to expand business, they’re increasingly courting solo travelers. Roughly one in 10 leisure travelers hit the road alone, according to the most recent data from the Travel Industry Association, and more travel companies, from specialty tour operators to individual resorts, are creating packages that cater to those customers.

Intrepid Travel (www.intrepidtravel.com), which specializes in small, off-the-beaten-path tours, just introduced four singles-only trips to places like Peru and Nepal. Travelers willing to share a room don’t have to pay the usual single-supplement fee that helps to make up for the difference in price charged to two travelers sharing a room.

In January, Absolute Travel (www.absolutetravel.com), a Manhattan travel agency specializing in customized luxury trips, will begin a service pairing compatible travelers who would rather not go it alone.

Even individual spas and resorts are creating packages for solo travelers. The Westin St. John Resort and Villas is offering a three-night, $2,550 “solo-cation,” which includes a villa with a private pool, a private Jeep tour and a poolside cabana with butler (call 888-627-7206 and ask for the Solovac rate).

This summer, the Fairmont Miramar Hotel in Santa Monica (www.fairmont.com/santamonica) rolled out a Single and the City package, which encourages guests to explore the city on their own. And for the first time, Canyon Ranch in Tucson (www.canyonranch.com) is letting singles pay the lesser per-person double-occupancy rate with a minimum four-night stay from Dec. 9 to 22.

The new options can help solo travelers assert their independence while feeling less like loners. When Sue Blough retired in 2000, she started traveling with Adventure Women (www.adventurewomen.com), which caters to single female travelers.

“When I retired, I hadn’t traveled much,” said Ms. Blough, who lives in South Florida and is an avid hiker. The group was comfortable, she said, not just because she wasn’t scaling mountains all alone, but also because she wasn’t surrounded by “mostly couples.”

While she still travels with Adventure Women, she said she also likes Country Walkers (www.countrywalkers.com), which introduced its own program for female travelers in 2005. And she’s noticed more singles showing up, even on regular tours.

“Since I’ve been doing this, I’m seeing more and more, especially women,” she said. “A lot of them are married, with husbands that have traveled all their lives for business and absolutely hate traveling.”

For singles who would like some company while visiting somewhere new, but would rather not go on a group tour, Absolute Travel will search for a like-minded companion, facilitate an introduction by e-mail and develop a travel itinerary both might enjoy. While the company stresses that it is not a romantic matchmaking service, it asks interested individuals to fill out a questionnaire to help find a suitable travel partner, detailing where they want to go, how long they want to stay and even whether or not they smoke.

Such services are a far cry from what used to be available to singles just a few years ago.

“It used to be basically your sun-and-sand holiday,” said Diane Redfern, founder of Connecting: Solo Travel Network (www.cstn.org), who has been tracking solo vacation alternatives since 1990 through a bimonthly newsletter ($35 a year or $50 for life). “If someone did put together a trip for singles, it was just at some beach resort. Now they’re going to Antarctica and doing everything.”

Despite the greater range of choices, solo travelers are still largely plagued by single-supplement charges, unless they’re willing to share a room with a total stranger. Travelers who want the company of a group by day but privacy at night may be able to get around this by booking early.

The luxury tour operator Abercrombie & Kent (www.abercrombiekent.com) is offering solo travelers $500 off most of its trips between Nov. 1 and Dec. 15 next year if booked by the end of January. And the Norwalk, Conn.,-based Tauck World Discovery (www.tauck.com) is offering significantly reduced prices — as much as 33 percent off — for singles on 54 different cruise and tour departures in the United States, Europe and Canada.

British tour operators like Solos Holidays (www.solosholidays.co.uk) and HF Holidays (www.hfholidays.co.uk) tend to be better than their North American counterparts about not penalizing solo travelers with extra fees, said Ms. Redfern of Connecting: Solo Travel Network.

In some cases, there is an advantage to being the only single person on a trip.

Backroads (www.backroads.com), the active-travel company in Berkeley, Calif., for instance, offers Singles + Solos trips for adults traveling on their own or with single friends. Singles who sign up for the trip more than 30 days before departure may request a roommate to avoid a single-room charge. If no other loners show up, you get your own room at no extra charge.

First Foreign Edition

2007-09-17T07:46:00.000-07:00

The Turkish edition of the Bridal Wave is already out! We're digging the psychedelic Snow White-meets-Patrick Nagel cover.

We're going to be huge in Europe, like Hasselhoff.

The wicked WIC (Wedding Industrial Complex) strikes again

2007-09-05T10:15:00.000-07:00

This is a good reminder of why you should always question the source of statistics. Usually there is an angle involved.

It makes sense to me that if a couple is told that an average wedding costs $27K then they take that number as a loose budget. And who wants a below average wedding?
Sigh

Weddings Are Not
The Budget Drains
Some Surveys Suggest
August 24, 2007; Page B1
Tying the knot costs, on average, nearly $30,000 in the U.S. Three major surveys say so, and a spate of news articles this summer and in prior wedding seasons parrot that figure.
But the typical American wedding appears to cost half that, or even less. The surveys reach couples who are likely to have more-expensive weddings than average. Furthermore, the reported numbers are bigger because of how the surveys define "average."
The so-called average cost -- between $27,400 and $28,800, according to the latest iteration of these surveys -- is a mean. That's the kind of average you might remember from grade-school math: In this case, it's the sum of all the survey responses, divided by the number of people surveyed. The mean is especially susceptible to a single lavish exception: One $1 million wedding put into the mix with 54 weddings costing $10,000 each would boost the mean to $28,000, although among the 55 couples, $10,000 would seem a much better representation of the typical cost.
For the three surveys, the median wedding cost is closer to $15,000. The median is the middle figure when you line up a set of numbers in order of size. It is a popular choice for social statistics because it is unperturbed by very small or very large numbers.

Newlyweds and to-be-weds who respond to the surveys generally are those contacted by the traditional, and traditionally expensive, matrimonial industry. They're more likely to include dozens of elements in their wedding price tags. A couple having a civil ceremony and a no-frills reception is less likely to be found by a big wedding Web site, a bridal-magazine publisher or the maker of wedding invitations -- the groups sponsoring the surveys.

The average wedding last year cost $27,400, according to The Knot Inc.'s email survey in January of 2,014 members of its wedding site, theknot.com, who got married last year. But that group isn't representative of all couples.
Roughly 2.2 million weddings took place last year, according to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention. Fewer than 40% of them were members of The Knot, which allows couples to create gift registries and post event information, and to access information on services. And just 40% of members opted to receive email. One-third of those received the wedding survey, and fewer than 2% of those filled it out (a low rate for The Knot, which typically receives 4% to 6% response rates, said a spokeswoman).

The Knot takes steps to ensure that its respondents are representative in terms of geography and household income. But research manager Kristyn Clement acknowledges that The Knot's members may not be typical spenders. "Our market is brides who are planning an actual wedding and putting resources toward that event," Ms. Clement says. "Are there brides who are not spending money on their weddings? Potentially."
Shane McMurray draws survey respondents for his Wedding Report from customers of his Tuscson-based wedding-invitation business, visitors to his costofwedding.com site and other sources. "Is it the best representation" of all couples? Mr. McMurray asks. "Maybe not."

The mean of the latest 1,519 survey responses he has fielded is $28,800, but the median is half that. That's very close to the median figure for The Knot's latest survey: $15,100.

Condé Nast Bridal Media, publisher of the magazines Modern Bride, Elegant Bride and Brides, reports a mean cost of $27,852 from its latest online survey of subscribers and online readers of its magazines, conducted in November 2005. The median cost was $14,182.

Rebecca Mead, staff writer at Condé Nast's New Yorker magazine, writes in her new book, "One Perfect Day: The Selling of the American Wedding," that the survey covered only brides who had made themselves known to the Bridal Group and thereby "already demonstrated an interest in having the kind of wedding that bridal magazines promote."

The surveys have led to other numerical flaws. For instance, Condé Nast's news release about its latest survey trumpeted that the average cost of weddings had nearly doubled, from $15,208, since 1990. That figure was repeated in several news articles. But the 2006 cost of weddings was just $18,057 in 1990 dollars, according to the Bureau of Labor Statistics' inflation calculator -- an increase of just 19%, not 100%, in 16 years, or an annual growth rate of under 1.1%.

These cost numbers may help perpetuate themselves, by creating a sense of inevitability for anxious brides and grooms planning their nuptials. "It can confuse and mislead the brides," says Richard Markel, executive director of the Association for Wedding Professionals International.

Ms. Mead, whose own wedding cost was "substantially below" the widely reported numbers, says in an interview that couples who hear the numbers may think, "There's no way around it; there's no alternative. That means, from the perspective of the wedding industry, you have this group of consumers who are resigned to spending a huge amount of money."

Best Cities for Singles

2007-08-28T07:31:00.000-07:00

Forbes.com has come out with their 7th Annual "Best Cities For Singles" Special Report. The package of content also includes features about dining alone, traveling alone, male and female dating stories, and singlism (discrimination based on your civil status that is so much the focus of Dr. DePaulo's book Singled Out.)

Speaking of singlism, if you drill down a bit into their methodology, you'll notice that the cost of living alone was calculated like this:

Our proprietary Cost of Living Alone index is determined by the average cost of a metro area's apartment rent, a Pizza Hut pizza, a movie ticket and a six-pack of Heineken.

There you have it. Despite the per city nightlife and culture ratings, if you are single, they still expect you'll be sitting home alone on Friday night with pizza and a six-pack!

The number one spot to do this, according to Forbes, is San Francisco.

As we mention in the conclusion of our book, what it means to be single is changing all the time. And while it can feel like you are the only one who isn't coupled up and registered at Bed, Bath, and Beyond (Valerie always likes the Beyond part best), the statistical facts prove you wrong. Something to think about while you're dialing Pizza Hut:

...most Americans can expect to spend fully half of their adult lives unmarried.

The News

2007-07-13T11:55:00.000-07:00

Check out CulturalCruise's musings on getting the "We're Engaged!" calls from friends. An excerpt:

I loooove my friends - especially this one. And really, was not ever one of those girls who HAD TO or PLANNED TO be married -with children (not sure I even want to have those) by a certain age...or ever! nop, not me...NE-VER! But you can't help but feel a teensy bit inferior - yes, inferior and shitty. Shitty that you are once again the guest and not the guest of honour. Shitty that another someone you know and love has found the 'one' and you barely know what the 'one' should look like...inferior in that everyone, everywhere has somehow found their way to this archaic and yet still very much sought after 'right of passage'...and you - you have not.

And you cajole yourself with platitudes that when they come along, it will be all that much sweeter, that at least you are persuing other avenues in life that are much more interesting and passion-driven than planning a wedding could ever be....and that you are way better off single - (insert diva air snap here) but what pisses me off the most is that I actually do believe that...I've always believed that. But when confronted with a marriage to witness (or many marriages this year) and applaud - it's hard to - say, perhaps plan an equally socially validating party for all your other life's pursuits - and no, birthdays don't count, everyone has those.

And btw, there will be NO bridesmaids at my wedding, either.

Weird Wedding News

2007-07-12T07:24:00.000-07:00

Apparently, some guy got a save the date and he flew from Toronto to Wales on July 6, only to find out that the wedding was actually July 6, 2008. His ticket cost 500 pounds. Think he'll go next year, too?

Also, Bao Xishun of Mongolia, who at 7 ft. 9' is the world's tallest living man, just got hitched to five foot six incher Xia Shujuan. The wedding industry, however, came up short. Because of Bao's local stature, various companies sponsored the wedding. Here's a picture of the happy couple:

Aaron Karo's Ruminations on The Bridal Wave

2007-07-11T11:00:00.000-07:00

I admit it. I'm a lazy blogger. I'm trying to work on a new book, it's summer, and I just don't feel like it. Funny thing is that my regional publicist (um, mom), set up an article about me and the book in my home state. And since it came out, I've heard from all sorts of high school people that I haven't talked to since graduation. (Note to Matt "Seven" Sevarino: email me through the website! I can't get your email from the comment.) It's been really fun and way better than going to the five-year reunion, especially since I already got the run down on who was fat, who was gay, who looked old, etc. from my best friend. (Which is really why one goes.)

Recently, I got to stay with my friend Marisa "Dr. G." in NC where I happened to be doing research. One night over dinner she said to me, "You had burgundy hair and purple contacts. I thought you were so together!" (I think it was more like a cry for help, but anyway). Then I heard from my friend John, who just moved to the city to write for Law & Order. (How cool is that?!) John gave me a copy of Herman Hesse's Steppenwolf when I was a sophomore, I think. Anyway, he asked me--as many of my guys friends have--about why there wasn't more stuff for guys in The Bridal Wave. So in honor of John (and Bay, too), I thought you would enjoy Aaron Karo's Ruminations #115: Return of the Have-Knots, which is basically a dude's perspective on The Bridal Wave:

Last August, when I first drew the distinction between those twentysomethings who are already married or about to tie the knot (“the Haves”) and those who still think of weddings as really expensive open bars with cover bands (“the Have-Knots”), I was still a wedding novice. A year later, though, with four weddings under my belt and eight more scheduled in the coming year, I’ve already become a grizzled vet. Summer is, of course, wedding season. And that means the Haves are busy taking ballroom dancing lessons to prepare for their first dance as husband and wife, while the Have-Knots just can’t wait to make fun of them. Ah, marriage. It can be a wonderful thing – when it’s not happening to you.

-Getting engaged seems really annoying to me. I mean, how do you tell everyone the news? Obviously close family and best friends get a personal call. But what about everyone else? I’ve actually gotten a few “I’m engaged!” text messages. Which is fine – as long as you actually have the person in your phone book and don’t have to text back: “Congratulations! Who is this?”

-On my refrigerator, I have Save the Date notices in all shapes and sizes for my next year’s worth of weddings. My favorites are the ones that feature a picture of the happy couple because I like to imagine what the conversation was like that led them to include that photo on the card. I usually envision the girl looking lovingly into her fiance’s eyes and saying, “Honey, we’re gonna take a picture in which I look beautiful and you look awkward, send it to everyone we know, and you have absolutely no say in the matter.”

-At a wedding, the bride and groom are like celebrities to me. They’re the center of attention but they’re mostly surrounded by their best friends, like a little VIP section. If you’re not a VIP, you actually have to observe and plan out when there’s an opening for you to go up and talk to them – as if you were looking for autograph. Then you chat for like two minutes but you know they won’t even remember it. Let’s face it, the only difference between the groom and Justin Timberlake is that JT didn’t spend the summer taking lame-ass ballroom dancing lessons.

-I used to say that married people shouldn’t be allowed in bars. I’d like to expand that to say married people shouldn’t be allowed on Facebook. If I ever see in my news feed that Jane Smith went from “in a relationship” to “married,” the next line better be: Jane Smith has deleted her profile.

-In the past year, I’ve learned not to stress out too much about all my friends getting married – to just go with the flow. I happened to come to this realization at a wedding where I hooked up with two bridesmaids in the same weekend; but I’m sure that’s just a coincidence. Still, the older I get, the more the pool of fellow Have-Knots will dwindle, and the number of Haves will grow. Soon, I’ll be in the minority. But that’s OK with me. I just bought a brand-new tux and there’s plenty of room on my fridge for more invitations. My guy friends can expect that the only wedding-related text messages they’ll be receiving from me any time soon will be solely for the purpose of making fun of our awkward-looking buddies in their Save the Date photos.

-As always, here are some random things I've been ruminating about lately…

-My friend Christina got legally married six months before her actual wedding, in order to exploit some loophole that allowed her and husband – both doctors – to get jobs in the same city. You’d think the wedding would be a little anti-climactic, but I was pleasantly surprised to get just as belligerently drunk as usual.

-So far, I’ve never been invited to a wedding with a guest, and somehow I feel like I’m getting screwed. The way I figure it, everyone I’ve given a gift to so far is earning interest on it. Meanwhile, if/when I get married down the road, I’ll have to invite, and thus pay for, all those couples to attend my wedding – when I was only invited as a single. I’m not sure of the exact economics, but I think I’m gonna end up in the red. That’s why I think my buddy Matt had the right idea when he gave Christina a check for her wedding – and it promptly bounced.

-Unless you’re only inviting like fifty people, if you have your wedding out of the country or on New Year’s Eve, you’re an asshole. Plain and simple.

-My buddy Seth is getting married this year on December 30th. Brilliant. I’ll fly to New York, party at his wedding, stay in New York, and go out for New Year’s the next night. It’s like he organized the whole thing around me. Someone get me the name of that wedding planner.

-As I get closer to thirty, the girls around me want to get married more, but I actually want to get married less. The obsessed-with-getting-married chick is a breed I’ve only recently encountered. To be honest, I kind of feel bad for them, because there’s obviously a double standard about being single depending on whether you’re male or female. I do have some advice for the girls, though. To me, finding your keys, hooking up, and getting engaged are all similar: they happen when you’re not thinking about it and least expect it.

-Maybe it’s just denial on my part, but I still refer to my friends’ wives as their “girlfriends” and continue to call my married female friends by their maiden names. I figure, at some point, someone I know will get divorced. And since I won’t have to update their last name in my address book twice, I’m the big winner.

-And, finally, even though I’ve spent most of this column mocking weddings and married people, I actually have no problem with the institution of marriage itself. I love my married friends. Weddings are great for me since I get to hang with buddies I don’t normally see since I moved to LA. And I look really, really good in my new tux. I guess in the end, as they say, we mock things we don’t understand. While I understand theoretically why the people I know are getting married, it’s hard to comprehend that commitment when you’re personally not there yet. Thus, wedding season is sometimes bittersweet for me. For instance. my next wedding is in New York over Labor Day weekend. A little over ten years since we went to Prom together, my friend Marcia is getting married. Since then, our lives couldn’t have become more different. But, in a way, not much has changed in a decade. Once again, I’ll find myself at the end of a long night – alone and in a tux – with nothing to do but jerk off. Fuck me.
Copyright (c) Aaron Karo. All rights reserved

Cougars: empowered females or yet another double standard?

2007-06-21T09:38:00.000-07:00

I first heard this expression from a friend who was horrified to discover that she was, in fact, a "cougar," which she defined as a single woman in her late 30's. I didn't think much of it, but the term seems to keep popping up.

The more I hear the term the more I dislike it. I didn't watch Age of Love but I believe they are pitting "cougars" against "kittens". I'm horrified. First of all, why are women (and their private lady parts) always cats? Becausee men are dogs? I dunno. I just hope the kitten thing doesn't stick.

Sitting down to write this entry, I decided to Google "cougar" and came across the Urban Cougar, a site that celebrates, or "owns" the term. From their site:

urbancougar: it's not a stigma, it's a sophisticated species of female who seeks the pleasure of younger males. She avoids the entanglements of a "relationship," in favor of the freedom of the hunt.

She has overcome the taboos related to her sexual identity, embraced her true self, and now lives her life to its fullest. Always one for adventure, she knows what she wants and isn't afraid to get it!

This website is a celebration of the urbancougar lifestyle, the women who embody it, and the prey who love them for it!

The idea of owning a negative stereotype has never worked for me. This site may embrace the term, but I have never heard men refer to a cougar in a positive away, unless you consider an easy one night stand to be positive.

Here is one definition from Urban Dictionary,

A 35+ year old female who is on the "hunt" for a much younger, energetic, willing-to-do-anything male. The cougar can frequently be seen in a padded bra, cleavage exposed, propped up against a swanky bar in San Francisco (or other cities)waiting, watching, calculating; gearing up to sink her claws into an innocent young and strapping buck who happens to cross her path. "Man is cougar's number one prey"

I hate this. I am so tired of women being subjected to tired stereotypes. Really tired of it. Women are slinky, stealthy, on the hunt, trying to ensnare a man. Sheeesh.

I hate to bring up George Clooney yet again, but why are men certified bachelors, and women cougars? Why do we need a name at all?

Thoughts?

Are wedding shows girl porn?

2007-06-20T15:57:00.001-07:00

Watching "I Propose" last night (I call it research) I started to wonder how many women are really interested in watching other women's Big Days. I tend to think that women dislike other women. Let's face it, we are not the kindest to our sisters. We judge outfits, fat rolls, loser boyfriends, and plastic surgery. Kathy Griffin was talking about how women hate other women and I tend to agree. That said, why are we watching other women's boyfriends plan elaborate proposals? Why do we watch A Wedding Story?
Watching Bridezillas makes sense; we get to laugh at other women acting like psychos, but the others have me stumped.

Do we watch these shows to reaffirm our belief in true love? Are we living vicariously through these women? Are women watching and thinking, "if it happened for her it can happen for me?" After a glass (or 3) of Sauvignon Blanc I came up with the Girl Porn theory. We watch these shows in secret, when our boyfriends are away, when our roommates are out for the night. They are part of our secret single behavior. We can't get enough either, judging by the ever-increasing number of them.

Do you watch these shows? And if so, why?

Thrifty or Tacky: A faux wedding cake

2007-06-20T07:22:00.000-07:00

A friend sent me this article about renting a wedding cake. I am not sure how I feel about it yet, so I thought I would do a short pro's and con's list. First, here is the description from the company whose idea it was:

Wedding cakes are the center of any wedding party. However, the cost of wedding cakes can skyrocket, also the possibility of falling over during transportation, heat and humidity for the outdoor weddings can be a major concern.

We provide a service, where you can rent the beautifully designed centerpiece wedding cake. The main cake is covered with real fondant, however the inside is made of foam and there is small compartment to place a small portion of edible cake for the ceremony. After the couple's 'feeding each other' act, the display cake is taken back into the kitchen and the guests are served regular sheet cakes from the local bakery or wholesale store.

After the wedding day, you slide the cake back into its box, drop it off at any UPS store and that's it! As soon as we receive the box, we refund your deposit.

Pro:No cake falling down in transport fiascos.
Con: No cake falling down in transport fiascos. America's Funniest Home Videos just lost a few entries

Pro: Kids cannot stick their fingers in it.
Con:: No con there. I cannot eat food from most households that contain children (though there are some exceptions (Suzanne)because I fear the nasty child fingers.

Pro: Couples can save a lot of money by getting their cake from outside the Wedding Industrial Complex
Con: It could come from Costco and be full of partially hydrogenated fear and I would never know. I tend to think that wedding cakes are made from scratch, hence why I eat them. That it could be from a nasty supermarket seems sad to me.

Be on the lookout for this new way to save at your slew of summer weddings. It could be another game to play: is the cake real, or is it foam?

p.s.
Overall this feel very postmodern to me. Excuse the attempt to translate Jean Luc Baudrillard but if you have a fake cake, and the cake is a simulation of a real wedding cake, what is next? It reminds me of how Westerners (White people) living in Japan would serve as fake wedding officiants at wedding facilities for Japanese couples who want a Western ceremony (cake, white dress, here comes the bride song.) These guys would just be acting like they were marrying the couple. Strange.

Style Network's new show "I Propose" sinks both sexes deeper into the Bridal Wave

2007-06-19T07:08:00.000-07:00

As part of their 21 Day Wedding Party,the Style Network is airing a new show called, "I Propose," in which:

"we follow a fellow who's poised to pop the question. While his unsuspecting girlfriend participates in what she thinks is a new series highlighting unique relationships, the groom-to-be is busy coordinating the magical moment."

I knew that men felt the pressure to propose in some kind of "right" way, but I am surprised that any guy would sign up for this show, considering it pays a measly $1,000 (a drop in the bucket of your average $26k wedding.) But then I read on and it seems like this show is tapping into the recent trend of what Erin likes to call the Princess Groom:

"and don't the gentlemen who bring extraordinary flair and finesse to the occasion deserve their own moment in the spotlight?"

Have men been feeling slighted by the Wedding Industrial Complex? Well now they too can feel the Big Day pressure,

"In each half-hour episode, Our cameras roll as the future groom tries to coordinate everything--from finding the right ring to booking the ideal location. It's hardly a piece of cake as he fights to stay within budget and on schedule, racing against the clock to pull everything together. And then there's the small matter of handling his future in-laws..."

So I am left torn between
1. Hating this show for adding yet another 30 minutes of Wedding hoopla to the air and
2. Loving that this seems to be leveling the playing field between the sexes. Not only are men going to feel the stres of "the spotlight," the Style Net doesn't want any uglies. Their casting call specifically called for "attractive" men only. Awesome.

I guess I am going to have to watch tonight.

[full disclosure: I sooo wish we had pitched our own wedding season show and I would love to be a partner with the Style Network at some point....seriously....call me.]

Wedding Season survival tips

2007-06-13T08:54:00.000-07:00

Last night Erin and I shimmied in a burlesque class at Goddess Life as part of an event that the Step Up Women's Network had for us. After the class we read from our book, shared some of our bachelorette horror stories (which you can read here) and then we had the women break off into smaller groups to come up with different survival tips for a busy wedding season. Many of them are also in our book, but since 'tis the season, we thought we'd share them with you.

Ways to save on...

Ways to save on wedding attire:
1. H&M
2. Get one plain dress that you can wear over and over again and change it up by switching accessories
3. Go with a two-piece outfit so you can mix and match

Ways to have fun at your umpteenth wedding:
1. Drink

Ways to save when throwing a shower/bachelorette:
1. potluck
2. have the party at a house instead of a bar
3. delegate. Assign different tasks to attendees so everyone shares in the work (and cost)

Ways to save on gift/creative gift ideas:
1. Sweet Scrabble: buy Scrabble and glue in a cute, scrabbly way, the couple's names and their wedding day and maybe something sweet like "happy together" or whatever works with your letters. Then glue ribbon around it so the happy couple can hang it on their wall
2. Give the bride a lovely frame with an even lovelier photo of the two of you in it. Then insert a note that says "replace with a wedding photo of you and (husband's name.
3. Buy an inexpensive item from the registry and augment it with things that match. For example, buy some bbq tools and augment with an apron, mesquite chips, bbq sauce.

The event sparked a new Bachelorette idea: Find a local dance studio that offers a fun class like Burlesque, or belly dance and rent it out for your party. It's a great way to break the ice with girls who might not know each other and it is the perfect start to a risque evening. Remember ladies, leave the cameras at home!

Today is Old Maid's Day....no, really

2007-06-04T14:31:00.000-07:00

I knew that there were a lot of random holidays, but my goodness, who would ever have invented this one? Ok, when you read the explanation you realize that Old Maid did not yet mean what it means today, but maybe it is time to put this one to rest? Or maybe this day should be embraced and June 4th should be the biggest ladies night of all?

Origin of Old Maid Day:

The year was 1946 (or thereabouts). WWII was over, and millions of soldiers were returning home. There was a huge increase in marriages. Somewhere during this time, it was noted that there were plenty of Maidens waiting for the returning GIs. And, the ladies were not getting younger as they awaited the return of their GI. The long war had disrupted and put on hold many relationships. And, many GIs did not return home. Dances and socials were held to bring together returning soldiers and the many available, unmarried ladies. It is from this occurrence that Old Maid's Day emerged.

Q & A: 7/7/07 The Most Popular Wedding Date This Year

2007-06-04T09:24:00.000-07:00

Dear E & V: I've got 4, yes, 4, invites to weddings on 7/7/07. Why the frenzy and how the heck am I supposed to decide which wedding to go to, since I haven't figured out how to clone myself? -- Exasperated in Elon

Dear Exasperated: Far be it for us to criticize a couple who thinks the triple-seven is lucky, since if you are planning a $27,000 (AVG!) event, luck shouldn't have anything to do with it, right?

It probably has more to do with the "once in a century" opportunity of the same number month-date-year falling on a Saturday that contributes to the couple's feeling that this is a special day, never to be experienced again, and therefore part of their unique story. (Of course, with the record numbers of weddings skedded for 7/7/07, "unique" is not the word we'd choose.) It's also quite possible that the couple just liked the way triple 07s looked on their save-the-dates and invites.

But the real question is: how do you deal with multiple invites? Say you’ve got three different invites for Labor Day (brides love to think that there’s no better way you’d want to spend a holiday weekend than at their wedding). Your little trick to deciding who makes the cut? Obviously the first rule should be your relationship to
the person. If you were getting married, would it really mean a lot if this person was there? The second rule should be reverse strategy: if you got the invite about three weeks before the actual date, face it: You’re a C-lister to her, so why bother stressing about showing up?

Send a lovely note with your decline, and don't forget the gift!

Pressure to be unique + Expectation of customized service + Once in a lifetime = Crazy-Ass Wedding

2007-05-29T14:48:00.001-07:00

The following did not make it into our book but we felt like with all the hub bub surrounding the recent Rebecca Mead book, One Perfect Day, we would put in our two cents on the current state of the Wedding Industrial Complex. For the next few weeks we'll be posting these "edited out, but not forgotten" pieces. Let us know what you think!

Pressure to be unique + Expectation of customized service + Once in a lifetime = Crazy-Ass Wedding

If you were born after 1977 you have been labeled a “Millennial,” aka, “Echo Boomer” or “Gen Y.” You are the children of baby boomer parents and you outnumber the generation before you, which means that you are responsible for the projected 22% that the bridal market is expected to grow from 2002 to 2017. We've perused the book, Millennial Rising, by Neil Howe & William Strauss, pulled some Millennial characteristics, and then translated those traits into what the bridal biz hears.

As a millennial, you:
• Grew up showered in love, so you’re confident.
o Bridal Biz translation: “Of course our marriage will last forever, let’s go with the top shelf liquors!”

• Know only good economies, so you’re upbeat.
o Bridal biz translation: “My friends will love to travel to Iceland to attend my wedding! It will be a great getaway for them.”

• Have great relationships with your parents, so you respect authority and are civic-minded.
o Bridal biz translation: “Mom, if you want me to wear full length white gloves I will, but they are going to have be Vera Wang.”

• Have money, because chances are both of your parents worked.
o Bridal biz translation: “And what better way to spend their money than on the most important day of my life!”

• Are technologically savvy because you've grown up in the computer age.
o Bridal biz translation: “I can register online at multiple places and then even if my guests don’t have a Williams Sonoma near them, they can just order online!”

• Are ethnically diverse. One in five of you have at least one immigrant parent and one in 10 has one non-citizen parent.
o Bridal biz translation: “So in addition to our western ceremony we can fly to Korea and have a more traditional ceremony there!”

• Pledge your loyalties. Designers and names represent quality, fashion, and comfort, plus, says Wedding Bells publisher Tracy Day, "they have a value attached to them."
o Bridal biz translation: “My dress has to be Monique Lhuillier I don’t care how much it costs.”

Why do you care and why are we writing about this? Because you are a whole different breed of bride, or at least you are being marketed to as if you are. Raised with keyless entry, digital music, cell phones, e-mail and the Internet at your fingertips, you want things how you want it, when you want it and because you want it. We are used to things that we pay for being customized for us. Just stand in a Starbucks line for 5 minutes and that becomes glaringly evident. Skinny half caf extra wet is light years away from the .40 drip coffee that our parents had. Or think of how you order in a restaurant: dressing on the side; goat instead of blue, and would you mind putting half in a “to-go” container for me so I don’t eat the whole thing? Everyone involved in the wedding biz is more than happy to make your day come together exactly as you want it, for a price of course.

Dance Like a Funky Monkey

2007-05-29T09:29:00.000-07:00

I loved NPR's recent The Unger Report, about wedding season being synonymous with his primal fear of being forced out on the dance floor. For the rhythmically-challenged, I can see why this might be more fear-inducing than the dreaded "So, why are you still single?" question you're going to get if you stay seated at the table or park yourself at the bar next to the groom's Uncle Ralph. Nobody wants to be the dancing freak in the wedding video.

It reminded me that I should really share one of my most-requested date stories of all time. At UCLA I took a film production class and met a grad student, whose roommate interned at CAA and who got all sorts of free tickets to everything. He was cute. I think he did set design.

Anyway, he invited me out to see G. Love & Special Sauce (yes, it was like 1994) at a club and picked me up. In his station wagon.

Things were going fine. But during one number, I suddenly realized people in front of us were turning around, looking at something and laughing. Pointing, even. I wasn't sure what the heck they were looking at but I finally decided to find out. A quick glance around and then the horror, the horror!

What were they looking at, you ask? Oh, my date, who was doing what I can only describe as a crazy jig dance.

I shuddered and casually tried to distance myself from him by taking a step to the side. And then, to make things worse, he starting yelling "Woo-hoo! Bring back the funk! We want the funk!"

I stepped further and further away from him, hoping that no one realized I was actually with Crazy Jig Man. (He was violating the sacrosanct tenet of "representing well" that Valerie often espoused on.) My dissociation tactics worked, because eventually another guy offered to buy me a drink.

Moral of the story: better to underdance than flail about spastically at weddings and on first dates.

The Annals of Being a Bridesmaid #8

2007-05-28T10:18:00.000-07:00

We called this one "Twisted Sister."

Three years ago my YOUNGER sister got married.

But the story begins about ten months before that when I became engaged to my guy. About six weeks later, my sister announced her engagement. We are thirteen months apart – so growing up the competition was fierce to say the least. As we planned our weddings, if I said black she said white – typical of our relationship. She set her date for two months after my date, which made me fear that family and friends would have to make “Sophie’s Choice” about which wedding to attend. We did agree to be each other’s maids of honor and have no other bridal attendants.

Six weeks before my wedding, my fiancé backed out with cold feet. Heart wrenching, humiliating and devastating for me. I was living in Florida at the time. Within two weeks, I quit my job, sold my house and moved back to the ole homestead in New York. The aftermath was terrible, but I managed to find a job and have some place to go everyday so I would stay alive and figure out how to heal. In the meantime, my sister’s wedding plans were full steam ahead – in fact, she had gone back on her word and asked a friend to be a bridesmaid months before without telling me. I found out about the additional bridesmaid three weeks before her wedding. It was at this time that I was beginning to have grave doubts as to whether I would be able to walk down the aisle. What would people think? Could I even physically do it? The dread was consuming.

I’m not sure whether it was an act of charity or compassion, but she relieved me of my maid of honor duties. I attended the ceremony only, taking three valium and my high school prom date (so I wouldn't look totally pathetic.) I had still planned to be plus one to the reception – after all, if I had been married, my husband would have been attending with me. But with the collapse of my engagement, my sister had assumed I’d be stag. She berated me for wanting to bring someone when their numbers were already so high – so I opted out of the reception. So much for her compassion.

Small Wonder!

2007-05-25T08:08:00.001-07:00

I did this as part of a television class at UCLA. Looking back I'm surprised that nobody said anything about how incredibly weird it is.

I was vaguely obsessed with how bad this show was. It was really bad. But to take it where I took it, I guess that is what film school kids do. So what do you think: Funny or Uncomfortable?

Oh, and check out who plays Vicky!

Pulling back the curtain on Bridal Registries

2007-05-22T11:56:00.000-07:00

Let’s talk about the growth of registries. Gone are the days of registering at a large department store and calling it a day. With the advent of electronic registries, the Internet and growth of specialty retailers, registering has moved into a whole new world.

In an article about bridal magazines, Daniel Lagani, VP and publisher of the Fairchild Bridal Group says, “Target, Macy’s, Williams & Sonoma and far less traditional players like Home Depot are looking at the bridal category as an opportunity. When you get the bride-to-be, you have identified the Holy Grail of a long-term value customer.”

Why is the B2B a long-term value customer? Because after three years of marriage, 96% of women continue to shop at the same stores they shopped during their engagement and 81% still purchase the same brands. That’s right, long after the last thank you note is sent out and that Cuisinart that your friend just had to have (even though her meals generally go straight from the freezer to the microwave) begins to collect dust in the closet, there is still plenty of money to be made of off this happily married couple. Here are some quick numbers to illustrate this for you:

Newlyweds spend $70 billion in the first year of marriage, including
$4 billion on furniture
$3 billion on house wares
$413 million on tabletop.

In fact, couples spend more in the first 6 months of marriage than a settled household does in 5 years.

According to a survey by Bride’s magazine, the percent of newlyweds who have either bought the following items in the past year, or plan to do so in the next year:

Couch/sofa: 32%
Patio/Outdoor furniture: 31.8%
Mattress/Box Spring: 29.2%
Barbecue Grills: 27.9%
Vacuum cleaners: 25.4%
Sheets: 48.6%
Formal napkins: 23.4%
Blenders: 32.9%
Automatic coffeemakers: 28.7%
Toaster ovens: 22.5%
Cutlery/utensils: 38.8%

And the list goes on and on and on. What were these people doing before getting married, sitting on the floor and making toast in their broiler? If the median age for a woman to marry is 27, then doesn’t it stand to reason that she was living on her own prior to getting engaged? Why, after all of the gifts are given, are newlyweds going out and buying automatic coffeemakers? If anything it seems like today’s newlyweds would be starting out with two of everything from their respective apartments.

It makes sense that a married couple might need larger sheets (for their bigger bed) but a vacuum cleaner? Who knows? And “formal napkins”…who are these newlyweds kidding? Have you ever been to a friend’s house and used “formal napkins”? But maybe setting up house isn't what it's really about. As one woman we interviewed put it:

“Sometimes I just wanted to get married for the sole reason of forcing my friends to buy me tons and tons of useless gifts. I must’ve dropped thousands in the past few years on everyone else!”

I Heart Larry Doyle

2007-05-16T19:55:00.000-07:00

Larry Doyle wrote for The Simpsons, but the reason I really love him is because he wrote a New Yorker Shouts & Murmurs column on the destination wedding that is pitch-perfect.

WASP-y names? Check.

Hard to get to locale that makes the betrothed couple appear "adventurous" while really showing them to be imperialist and exploitative? Check.

Casual mention of some kind of social issue to seem like they aren't? Check.

Don't bother with the old-school New Yorker. I don't know why they would have even printed it in the fuddy-duddy mag with instructions to go online. This is a truly interactive piece. With a fake website! And a fake movie (that someone will probably think is a great idea and make)!

It almost makes me forgive the NYer for the fact that Rebecca Mead wrote a book about the wedding industry, and OK, I like her writing and all but really, her observations about the wedding industry are not ALL. THAT. NEW for her to be getting ALL. THAT. PRESS.

iVillage Excerpt: You Won't Be Single Forever

2007-05-16T09:24:00.000-07:00

iVillage excerpted a portion of The Bridal Wave for those nagging moments of feeling like you are the last single woman standing.

What are your tips and tricks for getting through the rough patches? And why does it seem like as soon as we feel secure and happy with being on our own we meet some guy?

The Annals of Being a Bridesmaid #7

2007-05-15T11:49:00.000-07:00

Someone sent us this tale, and we have to admit there were some doubts about whether or not it was entirely true...but then again, real life is always stranger than fiction, even in bridal fantasy-land, right?

And so it begins...

the night before my good friend’s wedding (we’re not really friends anymore), i was staying at her house with all of the other bridesmaids. i was using the bathroom before bed, and when i went to open the door, i realized that her cat’s paw was stuck in the gap between the floor and the door. i had to force the door open, and the cat screeched bloody murder and limped away and we had to rush it to the emergency vet, and it had all these broken bones, etc. the cat was supposed to be in the wedding (no joke) but since it couldnt walk, she decided that my punishment would be to CARRY IT down the aisle. so i held a squirming cat in my arms (im allergic, too) for the duration of the 45 minute ceremony. might have been the worst experience in my life, and im sure all the guests thought it was the most BIZARRE thing ever.

Deep thought from Drew Barrymore

2007-05-03T13:50:00.000-07:00

So last night I was 1/2 asleep, watching Drew Barrymore on Letterman, when I heard her say that you should "bet on yourself." I like that a lot. My meaner friends will sneer, but if you don't believe in yourself why should anyone else?

I hope she meant it, and was not trying to weave in a plug for "Lucky You," her new film.

Q & A: Shower Ideas

2007-05-02T13:14:00.000-07:00

Dear E & V: I have to throw a bridal shower and I've never done it before. Help! PS: I'm not rich.--First Timer

Dear First Timer: Everyone gets nervous about their first time. The good news: you don't have to break the bank to throw a bridal shower for your bud. The bad news: It is a three-hour affair with more estrogen per square foot than anything you've encountered in a long time. Don't worry about trying to host something at a swank brunch locale. If you can't have it in your home (a different kind of square footage issue), see if there's an Aunt or other female relative that could offer hers. Then, enlist the bridesmaids to help you, potluck-style, with a menu. You can throw a themed shower and have food, invites, and gifts revolve around that. And that's where Google comes in.

Enter “bridal shower planning,” and you’ll be shocked at how many sites are dedicated to the art of the shower. Some common themes:

Stock the Pantry. Guests write a favorite recipe on a card and bring it, along with all nonperishable ingredients she’ll need for the recipe. If your crowd is from the “throw the Lean Cuisine in the microwave and press start” school of cooking, you might want to broaden it to a “favorites” theme and have guests bring their favorite...hand cream, cocktail mix, TV show on DVD, candles.
Entertaining. Just bring something that has recreation written all over it: puzzles, board games, badminton set, bocce balls, Frisbee, karaoke machine.
Books.Everyone selects a book they think will be useful in married life. (What not to bring: The Woman’s Book of Divorce: 101 Ways to Make Him Suffer Forever and Ever). Or you could even jump the gun and get a book on child rearing. Way to kiss up to the MIL and MOB!
Spa. A no-brainer: this theme would include gifts like manicure sets, massage oil, facial masks, spa gift certificates, and plush robes.

Bottom line: Creating something that is suited to her hobbies personalizes it and will make the B2B feel special.

Singles vs. Couples

2007-04-27T09:58:00.000-07:00

Geneva White's column in The Northwest Herald this week discusses how hard it is to be single when you are friends with couples, and she interviewed me.

We've all had those happy-couple (or not-so-happy couple) friends that force us to witness either their complete inability to use each other's first names:

"Oh, sweets, you are soo funny."
"No babe, you're the funny one!"

or their little tiffs and spats, without any regard for how uncomfortable it makes everyone else.

But the funniest part is how White talks about her friends "Stacey" and "Don," and their overzealous interest in her love life:

...they would eagerly inquire about my own love life, wanting to know details about any recent dates. Was this someone I could see myself with? Could he be the one? When do we get to meet him? I had the impression Stacey and Don wanted to indoctrinate me into their very exclusive club. And although I found their behavior annoying, I longed to be a member.

I told her it reminded me of the time when I was relaying my early dates and mishaps with S. to my soon-to-be wed friends. They gobbled it right up, and then said "You're like our very own Bridget Jones!"

I smiled weakly, and thought: Thanks. Glad my pathetic love life is pure entertainment for you!

Anyone else ever feel like the marrieds or soon-to-be marrieds are desperate for your dating adventures and misadventures?

Give your bridesmaid dress a nobler second life

2007-04-26T09:10:00.000-07:00

Any woman over the age of 25 has one of these beauties collecting dust in her closet. You didn't like it to begin with but you can't throw it out because you are clinging to the belief that you will wear it again. Get over it. It ain't happening. Instead, put your dress to good use by donating it to an organization that provides dresses to teens in need. Let's just hope they Pretty In Pink it and at least cut off the ass-enlarging bow.

Saw the below on DailyCandy LA. Erin and I tried to mention the Cinderella Project in our book, but like dorks we got the URL wrong! Anywho, this is sorta confusing because the link goes to "A Place Called Home" but the Cinderella Project is an organization that collects these dresses year round. Maybe they are connected? I couldn't find the donation info on the APCH site, but you can send your dress to the address below or donate to The Cinderella Project

Here is the DC listing:
GIVE
The Cinderella Project
What: A Place Called Home is collecting dresses for teens in Compton and Long Beach to wear to prom and graduation.
Why: Always a bridesmaid; never have to look at that dress again.
When: By May 3.
Where: Send dresses to Arlene Rosin, c/o The Cinderella Project, 1966 E. Via Arado, Rancho Dominguez, CA 90220.

The difference a haircut can make

2007-04-24T17:05:00.000-07:00

So I went ahead and chopped off my hair. I have an A-line bob now and I would include a pic but the Treo self-portrait is not the most flattering. I think that the haircut is just what I needed. Since making the decision to cut here is what I have gotten done:

1. Got a new tire for my bike (which has been flat for weeks) so I can ride again and not continue to stay inside all day or worse, drive inappropriately short distances
2. Went to a place for lunch, alone and with no distractions.
3. Rode my bike two miles to the vet where I picked up more food for my anorexic cat, Phoebe
4. Turned in my Step Up Women's Network newsletter and volunteered to be their official reporter.
5. Finally mailed a present for my nephew that has been sitting around for an embarrassing 3 months
6. Cleaned off my "desk" (dining table) so that we can eat at the table again.... though we'll probably still eat in front of the TV.

My head is lighter in more ways than one. My only regret is that I didn't get it long enough to donate to Locks of Love.

Onward and upward.

Time for a change

2007-04-24T11:18:00.000-07:00

I have been growing my hair out since an unfortunate bob experience back in '04. I have never had hair this long in my life, and I don''t hate it, but I feel like chopping it off. I have been dealing with a lot of sick pet issues and some, shall we say, creative road blocks, for a few weeks now and for some reason I have decided that today is the day I cut off my halfway-to-my-hiney hair.

Is that just so contrived that I see cutting my hair as somehow symbolic? Like cutting it off is going to give me a new perspective on life, a new drive to overcome the blocks and better handle my pet issues. Who knows? Maybe it will.....or maybe I will chicken out and leave with a trim.

Any dramatic hair cutting stories out there?

Wish me luck!

Crazy cat women unite!

2007-04-23T09:14:00.000-07:00

As cat lovers and advocates, Erin and I jumped at the opportunity to submit short stories to Cat Women: Female Writers on Their Feline Friendsand we were THRILLED when both of our pieces were selected.

Here is the Publisher's Weekly review. Notice that Erin's story is mentioned!

McMorris (Women's Best Friend: Women Writers on the Dogs in Their Lives) collects 29 well-crafted and enjoyable short essays that often focus on how the writer's cat (or cats) has affected her love life—both for better and worse. Kristen Kemp relates how she collected cats to get the affection her boyfriend wasn't giving her. Editor McMorris describes how, after a rough start, when her six-year-old tabby peed on her boyfriend's clothes, he gradually learned to enjoy the cat. A sadder story is told by Susan Schulz Wuornos, evoking the death of her pet just one week before her wedding. The majority of the selections emphasize the individuality and independence of cats, who make certain that their owners know precisely what they want. Erin Torneo stresses that felines are not people pleasers: "They won't plunge into a relationship without careful consideration," And they always have an escape route, lessons she applied to her own relationships. This collection will appeal to all those (especially women) already seduced by the enigmatic feline. (May)
Copyright © Reed Business Information, a division of Reed Elsevier Inc. All rights reserved.

While we're on the topic of cats: My friend, Paddy once pointed out how visitors to Los Angeles feel it is appropriate to slam our fabulous city. They talk about how terrible the traffic is, the shallow the people are, and how devoid of culture Los Angeles is. No other city is so freely criticized. Cats get the same shabby treatment. Cat owners are thought of as strange, while dog owners are celebrated. Cats are vilified for their persnickity nature, and considered less intelligent than dogs because they can't be trained.

Sure cats do what they want when they want. They get love when they want and they give love when they want and, unlike dogs, who give it up for any stranger with a treat, it takes time to earn a cat's affection. Does that sound like the actions of a dumb animal? I love my dog, but she eats cat poo. Really, is that the sign of a more intelligent animal?

In my previous life as an advertising account planner I worked on a national cat food brand and spent hours and hours thinking about cat owners, cats and cat food. Being a proud cat owner, this suited me just fine. The funny thing is that some of my clients and fellow ad people were not fans of cats and really didn't get them, or their owners, at all. When we conducted focus groups to show consumers a new cat food advertisement I was told not to recruit people who had more than 3 cats, because that was indicitative of a crazy cat person. Likewise, I was forced to recruit only women, because of course only a woman would have a cat. So frustrating.

This book celebrates the relationship between women and their cats. I may need to send a copy of this book to those former colleagues and clients.

The NYT wedding annoucements as skewered by Gawker

2007-04-17T17:10:00.000-07:00

You know, I never read the wedding announcements in the NY Times....too hoity-toity for me. But I am in love with Gawker's rating system for them. Here is a sample rating:

Victoria Potterton, Austin Zalkin: 13 points

Both went to Dartmouth: +3
Victoria graduated magna cum laude: +2
Austin graduated cum laude: +1
Victoria is graduating from Yale with a combined medical and MBA degree: +4
Austin is "ideal" man-age: +1
He's an i-banker: +2

and a bit of their scoring system:

Our patented rating system:

Investment banker: 2
Both Investment bankers: 5
Job involving the word "banker" OR "investment": +1
Both have jobs involving the word "banker" OR "investment": +3
Management Consultant: 1
Both management consultants: 3
Trader: 2
Both traders: 5
High-powered lawyer: 2
Both high-powered lawyers: 5
Works for Defense Department: +2
Doctor: +2
Both doctors: +5
Teacher at a New York City or Connecticut private school: 2
Parents from New York City or wealthy suburb in Connecticut: 1

Take Her Dress

2007-04-15T11:50:00.000-07:00

Besides the crime blotter, I love the local papers because you will find things out that you never would have anywhere else. This week, for example, the front page of The Brooklyn Paper has a story about a woman who is giving away her never opened, never worn $3000 wedding dress.

Apparently, Elisa Zuritsky bought the dress from an East Village bridal shop that ended up closing and the owner's "it'll be here next week" string-along lasted until the week before her wedding, when Elisa high-tailed to Kleinfeld's to get an emergency backup. Her original dress then did arrive--three days before her wedding, still needing alterations--just to mock her.

Now, being a writer (she wrote for SATC and Six Degrees, the latter of which I actually watched but seemingly no one else did. Digression: I realize I saw Hope Davis the day before the show was cancelled at a preview of The Year of Magical Thinking. Fab purse, but she didn't look very happy. Probably b/c her show was getting canned.), Elisa decided someone with the best tale of woe should get her dress for free, so the dress has the happy ending it was supposed to have:

I want to know that all the time and aggravation and money spent finding a dress in which to get married was not in vain, but rather to ease the path of another bride-to-be, who's trying to hold onto her sanity, savings, and sense of humor against all odds.

No money is needed to enter this contest, just your own personal Tale of Woe. Right about now, you might be wondering why being engaged isn't the happiest time of your life. Maybe it's been incredibly stressful. Maybe, in other words, you're normal. Consider this your invitation to vent, kvetch, whine, complain. I promise not to judge you.

Well, that's not entirely true. I'll be selecting the winner, so technically I will be judging you. It's hard to say what I'll be basing my decision on right now; I'm just looking for Ms. Right.

When I find you, I'll open the box, say my good-byes to The Dress, and send it on its merry way, free of charge. The only thing I ask for in return is a photo of you, in The Dress, at your wedding.

At the end of the contest, the winning entry will be announced on this site and posted here, along with excerpts from some of my other favorites. (If your Tale of Woe implicates a family member or friend and you don't want more woe, feel free to specify that your story be posted anonymously.)

The Gregory Mantell Show - Everyone Getting Married But You?

2007-04-10T12:01:00.000-07:00

Check out Valerie's interview!

The Annals of Being a Bridesmaid #6, Part 3

2007-04-10T10:43:00.000-07:00

and now, for the conclusion of our tale....

Ah, but the fun wasn’t even about to begin. Sunday morning, I awoke and there is something terribly wrong. My stomach hurt so bad. I only had 2 glasses of champagne and this was not a hang over. Nope, it was war. I had to bolt to the other bathroom in the back of the house the bathroom next to me was out of order. I barely made it. I have only been this sick once before; it was horrible. Once I make it back to bed, I feel someone crawling in bed with me. One of the girls was looking for her boyfriend. I told her to get off me and try the next room. Then I was sick again. Plus I had to be on a plane in about 4 hours. I finally got out of bed and packed while I lay on the floor. Debbie and James had to help me get into the car and I slept all the way to the airport. Flying with the stomach flu/food poisoning/heat exhaustion was not on my list of things to do before I die, but I did.

Debbie doesn’t call much anymore. But I wish them well. And when I get married I will not expect my bridesmaid to buy a plane ticket to fly out and be my wedding planner/caterer/baby sitter/hairdresser/therapist. P.S. Anyone want to by a Medieval Bridesmaid Dress?

It's a Gay World, After All

2007-04-06T12:33:00.000-07:00

This just in: Disney will open the Mickey Gates to gay couples who want to plunk down the money to exchange vows in front of Cinderella's castle. Yay for progression and equal rights, but methinks this is a case where the motivation is less political and more monetary.

The Fairy Tale Wedding Service packages run from $8000-$45,000.

Will the rest of the wedding industry follow suit and begin to aggressively market to same-sex couples? What do you think?

The Annals of Being a Bridesmaid #6: Part 2

2007-04-06T12:22:00.000-07:00

and so our tale continues...

Friday AM-I awake to screaming baby, Debbie on pain meds, and Debbie’s mom asleep at the sewing machine. We all gather into the cars to go to the courthouse to get Debbie and James married the day before the wedding because the priest doesn’t do Saturday weddings. After, we go to a reception held at Denny’s like restaurant. Baby still colic, manages to smack his head on table. The groom gets stomach bug and is out of commission for the rest of the day. We head back to the hottest house in all of PA where I continue to clean the house. I find dried ferret poop everywhere. Don't ask. Debbie’s mom is still sewing dresses. At 4 pm we trek to Super Wal-Mart to get wedding feast supplies and the rehearsal dinner that night. Debbie and I begin to cook everything and the rest of the wedding party trickles in. We run through the rehearsal and get everyone fed. The Groom and his buddies go out for the Batchelor party. I take Debbie to Wal-Mart for her Bachelorette party because we need more frosting for the wedding cake and can’t really do anything else because the wedding is in 20 hours. By midnight I am making a wedding cake, getting turkeys ready and standing in to try on all of the wedding clothes for Debbie’s mom. The rest of the in-laws to be are watching TV, not budging a bit. It is hotter than hell.

By 4 am on Saturday morning, I go to flip the bottom layer of the wedding cake on to the board and it falls on the floor. Future in-law says “Oh that sucks”. I do everything in my power to not shove her face in the cake. It is now 4 am. I call it a night and head to bed.

So by 6 am, it is officially T minus 12 hours and counting before the wedding. I get up and let Debbie go to bed. I make the frosting and peel potatoes and check the turkeys. Debbie’s mom is once again passed out at the sewing machine. At 7 am, Debbie gets up to feed the baby and we can’t find the baby formula. We go to Wal-Mart. Later I find out that I confused the Crisco with the formula and put the formula in the pantry. By noon, Debbie is icing her wedding cake, and I am making salad, finger foods and making a large vat of margaritas. Finally the future in-laws get off their asses and help set up the wedding reception area outside and put the wedding arc up in the backyard. At 3 pm the wedding parting comes in and gets dressed. Debbie’s mom is frantically trying to get the groom’s outfit finished as well as the bride’s dress made. Yes, it is 2 hours until Debbie walks down the isle and the wedding gown isn’t finished. At 4 pm everyone has discovered the vat of margaritas and things are going even further downhill as Debbie needs to shower and write her vows. I haven’t had a shower is 3 days. So we hop to the bathroom and take turns in the shower. It is so hot that after the shower we sit in a bathtub filled with cold water. As I am dying her hair, she writes the vows. At 5:30, half an hour after when the wedding was supposed to start, her mom comes in with the dress. There is no zipper, so we have to sew Debbie into the dress. Sweaty, I shimmy into my burlap gown and do Debbie’s hair. A neighbor is cleaning the living room when we come out. She helps me make a veil. Debbie looks good and out the door we go. Her brother, drunk and weaving, volunteered to walk Debbie down the isle. Finally, Debbie and James have their wedding. Photos are taken and tears shed. But my job is not over yet. I have to hustle back into the kitchen while everyone else sits down for the dinner. I grab all the food and set up the buffet, momentarily stopping to participate in the wedding party’s first dance. Lucky me, I get the best man with a bad marriage and two kids who wants to play grab ass with me. In between playing hostess and watching everyone else eat and drink, I manage to toast the happy couple and set up the wedding cake. At the bouquet toss, I hit the ground and barely missed it. Finally, people start to tear away from the food and I was able to change out of my 20 lb. cocoon of a bridesmaid dress and put on a t-shirt. After thwarting of the advances of a soon to be divorced father of two, I bid the couple well and went to bed.

The wedding's over. How much worse can it get? Stay tuned to find out.

The Annals of Being a Bridesmaid #6: Part 1

2007-04-05T08:15:00.000-07:00

Dear readers, this exceptional tale is very long, so we're going to serialize on the blog bit by painful bit. Here goes:

I liken my last stint as a bridesmaid to that of going into battle. I was drafted in to the service of my high school friend, let’s call her Debbie, for her second trip up the isle. Her first marriage was doomed from the start when her then bridesmaid quipped “Oh, if it doesn’t work, you can always get divorced” as Debbie was donning her gown:. Lovely, just lovely. She should have saved that for the toast. Anyway, years later, I another call. “Lisa, will you be my bridesmaid?” Caught between dread and delight, delight won over. “Sure” I said. And thus began the nightmarish tale of the wedding that almost killed me.

Roughly a year before the blessed day, Debbie began planning her dream day. They were going to do everything by themselves: invitations, flower arrangements and by the way, the entire wardrobe for the wedding party. Why you may ask? Because it was going to be a theme wedding and the theme was Medieval. Okay, I can do this. The wedding is taking place 2,000 miles away from anyone else I know. Then about two months into planning the wedding, Debbie is pregnant. No problem, Debbie says she’ll have the baby in March and the wedding is still on for June.

Months pass, seasons pass and Debbie has a baby boy on March 23. April passes, and I hear nothing of the wedding. Finally on May first she calls to say the wedding is still on, but she may need me to fly in a few days early to help. My stomach drops, this is not good.

June 9th, I catch a red eye to fly from LA to Buffalo, NY on a Wednesday night. The wedding is on Saturday. I land 8 am on Thursday. Debbie is nowhere in site. I wait for 40 minutes before calling her house. Nothing. Finally her fiancé calls and Debbie has overslept. The baby has been sick for the past few days and Debbie has a back tooth that is causing her whole mouth to swell. Oh and the whole family has been up for days while Debbie’s mom has been sewing all the wedding clothes.

Three hours later, Debbie, the baby and Debbie’s mom arrive to pick me up. Everyone looks horrible. The baby screams for the next hour and a half; Debbie’s face is all swollen, and the mom has been taking a prescriptive form of No-Doze. We arrive in some small town in Pennsylvania where a record heat wave is in full swing and there is no AC.

Let me break the days down by events:

Thursday afternoon we have to take Debbie to dentist. The fiancé and I bond while Debbie is having a tooth pulled. We then meet the groom’s family at the grocery store where they work. The groom bails on us, leaving me to drive back woods roads with Debbie fading in and out of consciousness. We arrive at base camp where Debbie’s mom has been sewing all day. By the way, the wedding is to be held in the back yard and the house looks like a land fill. So I start to clean the house and I am sweating like a pig. I pass out from exhaustion as does the bride.

The worst is yet to come...

Bridesmaid Dress Donation Resources

2007-04-04T10:37:00.000-07:00

Thanks to reader Kirsten H. for catching this! In the book we suggest that one of the things you can do with your collection of never-going-to-wear-it-again bridemaid dresses is donate them. When we went to The Tyra Banks Show last year, two of the guests were from an organization called The Princess Project, which takes donated gowns (from the last few years only--don't try to dump your 1995 prom dress with them) and makes them available to girls who don't have the resources to buy their own prom and school dance dresses.

In the book, we mistakenly called it The Cinderella Project, because there is actually a regional organizations that does the same thing:
http://www.cinderellaproject.net/

Stay tuned for the upcoming tale from our Annals of Being a Bridesmaid where the dress is not exactly donation-worthy, unless the prom was being held at Medieval Times.

Are celebrity relationships ruining your love life?

2007-04-03T02:41:00.000-07:00

Saw this article on Yahoo! about how saturated we are with stories about celebrity relationships, and how that could impact your personal life. We talk about this a lot in Chapter 6: Reality Check. While watching hook-up to break-up trajectories among the celeb species is nearly a national sport, it may have some negative consequences for you. As David writes:

Celebrity Message: Commitment Schmommitment

Really, the biggest message we get from celebrity hook-ups is that marriage is the commitment equivalent of dating. Find someone you like, get married. Don't like that person any more, get divorced. It's hard to understand why celebrity couples seem to rush into marriage faster than Sanjaya fans rush to the phone lines. We see it all the time -- quick marriages, quick divorces. And I think that can send the dangerous message that marriage doesn't really matter. While I'm certainly not one to say that there's only one traditional way to have a relationship, I think that the message being sent -- a wedding is as casual an occasion as happy hour -- cheapens a tie that ought to be more precious. The celeb warning: A wedding is more than a party with cake. The positive lesson real couples can take from it: Listen to your wedding vows, and honor them.

Let's also look at the top five lessons learned from romantic comedies from The Bridal Wave and think about this: if these are "date" movies, what kinds of messages are you sending to someone you might end up in a relationship with?

1. Love happens in a moment, and no one really minds it if
you end up with your boyfriend’s brother, because, you
know, he’s “the one.” In this oeuvre of film even the most
unacceptable behavior is acceptable so long as it’s in the
name of true love. Source: The Family Stone.
2. It’s all right to screw someone over as long as she is uptight
or somehow unlikable. Feel free to leave her at the altar;
she’s a bitch anyway. Source: Four Weddings and a Funeral.
3. If you think you hate him, he may be “the one.” Source:
You’ve Got Mail.
4. Hiring a hooker is a shortcut to finding your soul mate.
Source: The Wedding Date, Pretty Woman.
5. There’s always a gorgeous girl hiding behind glasses and
bad clothes just waiting for the right guy to reveal her.
Source: She’s All That.

The search for the next Pussycat Doll: Since when did showing your confidence mean dancing like a hoochie?

2007-03-30T08:41:00.000-07:00

Saw this on David Spade's show the other night and was thrilled when my sis e-mailed me the clip. It summarizes my thoughts on the Pussy Cat show perfectly. The only problem is that I watch it religiously. I even have a TiVo season pass! Sure I laugh when the women talk about showing their "confidence" by dancing like a stripper, but at the same time I have strong opinions for who should stay and who should go. (Sisley bugged, and Asia drives me nuts!)

I need to find the clip where the girls are taught about expressing their "persona". I want to think Robin (the host and creator of the group) means "personality" but I don't think she does.

The show reminds me a bit of the search for the next Coyote Ugly girl. You may remember me questioning why a woman would go on a reality show to see if she could be a slutty bartender. Both shows beg the question: Is it empowering for a woman to put her body on a platter and act like a stripper? For that matter, are actual strippers empowered, or by the very nature of what they are doing, are they being exploited?

I would say live and let live, but I am scared for young girls who are constantly inundated with the message that dancing means rubbing your nether regions against anything you can (I call this the "heat-seeking ass dance") and being confident means having the ability to dance half naked behind a glass wall.

Not that this perfectly fits, but this topic sent me looking for a version of our conclusion that didn't make it into the book. I have had an issue with the Pussycat Dolls (even their name is all wrong) for a while now.

Stop the Girl on Girl Hate Crimes

As Shelly Ridenour’s essay “We Should’ve Seen It Coming: The Commercialization of Cattiness points out, one need only look at the T-shirts (“I stole your boyfriend” or “Do I make you look fat?”) worn by the likes of Paris Hilton for sale in the back of female-oriented magazines, or listen to songs like “Don’t Cha (wish your girlfriend was hot like me?)” to get what we mean by the girl-on-girl hate. It’s as if we have reverted to cavewoman times and are fighting to get a man, or keep one. Where would the wedding industry or reality TV be without this? Marriage is winning, and if there are winners, then there are also losers. And even if you’ve snagged a man, the size of your ring/reception/registry is going to determine your place in the pecking order.

Throughout popular culture women are seen as man-stealers, bitches who sink their claws into men and manipulate them. There was Team Angelina and Team Jennifer, but why did Brad escape culpability? Jennifer Aniston and Angelina Jolie were extensively profiled in women’s mags as two extremes of females, with Brad as their victim. Angelina was the overt seductress and ultimate earth mother; Jennifer, the girl next door too caught up in her career to have children. One woman we spoke with had seen her brand new marriage crash and burn when her husband had an affair with her best friend. She hates her ex-BF, but has forgiven her ex-husband and maintains a friendly relationship with him. Sure, she says, he wasn’t entirely innocent, but she puts the blame on her former friend. Why do guys get a pass like this? If guys are that dumb and easily conned, why are we wasting our time wanting to marry them!?

Much is written about the difficulty of having choices. Studies show that give a consumer four types of jelly and she can easily pick one. Give that same consumer 24 choices and she’ll leave the store frustrated and empty-handed, unable to make up her mind. Today women do have more choices than ever before, at least on the surface. Recent articles have asked the question of whether choice is a good thing. Are women happier? Do too many choices lead to regrets, guilt about the path not taken and ultimately to books like The Mommy Wars and To Hell With All That? Or is the problem not that we have the choices but that our decisions are not respected by other women? When is the last time you heard a man trashing a life decision made by another man? They shrug their shoulders and move on. Why do women hate on each other so much? Do we feel bad about ourselves and find it easier to put someone else down than raise ourselves up?

Of course the media and advertisers love how unhappy women keep each other, because that’s all the more headlines they can write about the “Sex Secrets You Must Know,” and all the more “miracle” creams that they can convince you to shell out big bucks for to prevent yourself from, god forbid, aging.

When all is said and done I still sing along to their music and I still have the show TiVo'd, so I guess I am an aware hypocrite. In fact, that label could apply to me in many ways. Depressing. But the show is soooo gooood.

Purity Balls: The new pre-engagement party?

2007-03-27T16:16:00.000-07:00

Scott T passed along this article to me about young girls pledging to their fathers to remain virgins. All I can say is "ew" and "creepy." Not that there is anything wrong with deciding to remain a virgin until marriage, but do we need to pledge such personal decisions at a ball with white cake and limousine service?

In what is becoming a trend among conservative Christians in the United States, girls as young as nine are pledging to their fathers to remain virgins until they wed, in elaborate ceremonies dubbed "Purity Balls."

The gala affairs are intended to celebrate the father-daughter relationship.

The highlight is when the fathers and daughters exchange vows, with dad signing a covenant to protect his daughter's chastity by living an unblemished life and the daughter promising not to have sex until marriage.

Many fathers at the ceremonies also slip "purity rings" around the finger of their misty-eyed daughters or offer them "chastity bracelets" and other jewelry that the girls can entrust to their husbands on their wedding night.

"The father makes a pledge that he is going to keep his mind pure and be faithful to her mother and there is also a time when there is a conversation about putting the right kinds of things in your mind, such as the father not using pornography," Leslee Unruh, founder of Abstinence Clearinghouse, a leader in the so-called purity movement, told AFP in describing the balls.

She said some 1,400 Purity Balls were held across the United States in 2006, mainly in the south and midwest, and double that number were expected to take place this year.

I feel bad that I laughed when I read this:

One study conducted by researchers at the universities of Columbia and Yale found that 88 percent of pledgers wind up having sex before marriage.

"Unfortunately these young people tend, once they start to have sex, to have more partners in a shorter period of time and to use contraception much less than their non-pledging peers," said Debra Hauser, executive vice president at Advocates for Youth, a Washington-based non-profit organization.

It's just like those kids that didn't get into any trouble in high school then get to college and go crazy.

Random question: why would anyone include the word "Balls" in the name of a virginity event?
Question for you: what would you call this if it were an MTV show a la, "My Super Sweet Sixteen"?

Make new friends, but keep the old

2007-03-26T10:54:00.000-07:00

Not sure if any of you remember this rhyme from the Brownies, but it goes: "Make new friends but keep the old, one is silver and the other gold." It comes to mind today because I just left my cat, Phoebe at the vet today. She is jaundiced, on an IV drip and getting a "complete work-up."

I have three pets. First I got Ernest. Five years later Tommy and I adopted Phoebe (the grey kitty) and last Labor Day we adopted Stella.

For a few years it was just me and Ernest against the world. No boyfriend, no cable and no internet. We would hang out in my single apartment and pass the hours watching television on my sad black and white tv with rabbit ears. Then I got Phoebe and she quickly became the alpha kitty in the house. She and Ernest get along, but he prefers his solitude. Phoebe was always on the couch with me, and when I worked at the kitchen table she would sit on the chair next to me.

Then I got Stella. Dogs are major attention-hogs. Beyond going out for walks I found that I liked having her with me whenever possible. We go shopping together, to the dog park, to coffee, to lunch. Anywhere she can go, she goes. She commands more attention than the cats, and I give it to her. I hate to say that the cats have slipped a rung, but they sort of have.

About a month after my friend, J, had her baby, her cat got really sick and passed away within a week of going to the vet. J felt terrible. She felt like had she not had her baby she would have noticed earlier symptoms and possibly saved her kitty's life. At the time I could not understand how anyone could possibly forget about a pet.

Cut to me at the vet, unable to tell him about Phoebe's eating patterns. I had no idea if she was eating less, drinking less, or using the facilities less. I did notice that she had taken to hiding in my guestroom closet, but I thought it was to get away from Gemma, my friend's dog who is staying with us. I only took her to the vet because for the second time in a month she went to the bathroom on my bed. This time I woke up feeling damp. Phoebe was next to me on the bed. I made her smell the pee. I was angry and thought she was letting me know that she was not a fan of the other dog that has been staying here.

Now that I know she is ill I feel terrible. I bet she was sitting next to the pee to let me know that it was her, and not Ernest, who was peeing on my bed. She was probably trying to get it through my thick skull that she felt bad. When the vet took one look at her and said "she has jaundice" I knew that this would never have gotten so far had it still been just me and the cats.

So I am going to take some time today to check in on friends I have lost touch with and family who I haven't spoken to in a while. It's too easy to get caught up in our daily lives. We're all busy and it's all too easy to not call a friend back, or to miss a birthday. I don't want it to take somebody getting sick for me to take the time to pay attention to them.

I just wish it hadn't taken me getting pee'd on to learn this lesson. Get well, Pheebs.

Back in action!!

2007-03-23T12:49:00.000-07:00

I have received some inquiries as to why I have not been posting, leaving all of the work to Erin, who has plenty on her plate without a lazy co-blogger. Well I wish i could say that i have been on a fab vacation or even swamped with writing gigs. Unfortunately I've been here...and not crazy busy......just a bit, uh lazy? Here is a rundown of my past month or so:

1. My friend, Viv moved in with me while she looked for a job and apartment. She just left NYC and girlfriend worked fast. In about two weeks she got a job and a beautiful place.

2. Viv's dog, Gemma moved in with her. Gemma is a pug and the most un-pug-like pug I've ever met. She is full of energy and can hike step for step with Stella.

3. I sprained my ankle...twice. So the fist day that Gemma moved in I decided to take the dogs on an extra walk. I wanted to clear my head and, as a devout Cesar Milan disciple, I thought that walking Gemma and Stella together would help them to form a pack, and therefore not kill each other when we're gone. Things were going well. I was on the phone, chatting away one minute and on the ground, shrieking into the phone the next. I followed the R.I.C.E formula (Rest, Ice, Compression, Elevation) and tried to go easy for a few days. I figured that there was no reason for a doctor's visit because that would be lame. Who goes to the doctor for a sprained ankle, right? About a week later I went hiking with Viv and the pups. We took the hard route and discussed our need to start a regular exercise regime. Then, at the top of the hike, Runyon Canyon if you happen know it, the same thing happened as before: I was up and happy, then I was down and in agony. I was faced with a choice: wait at the top for viv to go down the hill, get the car and drive around to the top of Mulholland, or walk down. I walked down. One word: OW. I went to the doctor and got a brace and he said that you should always get a sprain checked out because often the sprain is a break and you don't know it. He also said that if a sprain doesn't have time to heal properly it could become a lifelong "weak ankle."

4. I made my television debut! It hasn't aired yet, but I was a guest on the
Gregory Mantell show. I think I did well, but I will let you folks in LA, San Diego and NYC be the judges of that. As soon as I know when it's airing I'll be sure to post about it, and have it on our site. Gregory had totally read the book, asked good questions and made it a great experience for me. I'm glad that I have done TV but I don't think I'll be able to watch it because I would end up getting lip injections and botox. Seriously, after seeing a glimpse of myself on video I totally got why celebs go botox-crazy.

That's about it for me. What's up with you?

Thank goodness for Charmin!

2007-03-23T12:34:00.000-07:00

A lot about our society is not so great....but you know what is great? Toilet Paper! This is part of a larger story on the origin of toilet paper. Click on the link above to read the full story, and thanks to Scott T for passing this along to me. Oh, and Happy Friday!

What did people use before toilet paper was invented?

*Newsprint, paper catalogue pages in early US

*Hayballs, Scraper/gompf stick kept in container by the privy in the Middle Ages

*Discarded sheep's wool in the Viking Age, England

*Frayed end of an old anchor cable was used by sailing crews from Spain and Portugal

*Medieval Europe- Straw, hay, grass, gompf stick

*Corn cobs, Sears Roebuck catalog, mussel shell, newspaper, leaves, sand- United States

*Water and your left hand, India

*Pages from a book, British Lords

*Coconut shells in early Hawaii

*Lace was used by French Royalty

*Public Restrooms in Ancient Rome- A sponge soaked in salt water, on the end of a stick

*The Wealthy in Ancient Rome-Wool and Rosewater

*French Royalty-lace, hemp

*Hemp & wool were used by the elite citizens of the world

*Defecating in the river was very common internationally

*Bidet, France

*Snow and Tundra Moss were used by early Eskimos

Marriage is Murder

2007-03-22T22:44:00.000-07:00

I still haven't seen Court TV's new show "'Til Death Do Us Part," about real life couples who get married and vow love and honor and all that. The hitch is that one of the happily wedded duo will end up killing the other one. But I loved Rebecca Mead's Talk of the Town piece on John Waters, who hosts the show as the narrator/Groom Reaper. Among the fun facts I learned:

1. John Waters is a Universal Life Minister who officiates weddings for the fee of $7.

2. Johnny Depp and Winona Ryder were thisclose to getting hitched.

I was thisclose once to introducing my dad to John Waters, back when I was covering the Ft. Lauderdale Film Festival. Dad & Mom had come to visit one of my brothers, who was living in Florida then, and it happened to coincide with my press trip. My dad had no idea who John Waters was, but I'm sure if the elevator had come just a moment later, it would have been very memorable.

John Waters' thoughts on marriage, as discussed in this week's New Yorker:
“This is a pro-divorce show,” Waters explained. “The viewer might have wanted to kill his wife right before this show, because who hasn’t? That’s why I am single. Someone thought up an ad campaign for the show—‘Stay single and stay alive’—which I love...I always thought the privilege of being gay is that we don’t have to get married or go in the Army,” he said. “I personally have no desire to imitate a fairly corny, expensive heterosexual tradition, though I certainly know gay couples who are married who should be. I am all for it. I have always joked that the growth industries are gay divorce and tattoo removal.”

In spite of his occasional willingness to play the ministerial role, Waters says that he hates going to weddings. “I am hoping that one of the best things that will happen if this show is a success is that people will stop inviting me,” he said. “Weddings are never fun. You cannot have that much fun with your friends and your family all together, spending that much money."

The Annals of Being a Bridesmaid #5: OUR WINNER!

2007-03-20T20:04:00.000-07:00

Thanks to everyone who entered our contest. We received some amazingly bad/fabulous tales and will continue to roll them out in the coming months, just as wedding season kicks in. (And if you have any new tales you've got to share, keep 'em coming. We always love to hear from you.) In the meantime, we wanted to share the winning entry, in all its cringe-worthy glory:

Looking back, I should have known I was in for trouble when Sidney* asked me to be her bridesmaid. You see, I was a second choice bridesmaid. Her first choice got pregnant and literally couldn't stand up. Because I was asked a mere two weeks before the wedding I had to buy the dress that the original bridesmaid purchased. I paid $275 for the dress, which was 4 sizes too big. Then we all had to wear sliver platform open toed shoes (another $75.00) Our toes and nails were manicured to have purple butterflies on them ($60.00) and our bouffant up-dos had to match exactly ($50.00) If that wasn't bad enough, the tacky-ass bride insisted we wear pantyhose with our open toed shoes.

Then Sidney got caught screwing the groomsman (her fiance’s little brother who was supposed to be my escort down the aisle) in the limo before the ceremony. Unbelievably, the wedding was still on but since the groomsman was kicked out, my bridesmaid services were no longer needed because God forbid there be an uneven number of bridesmaids to groomsmen.

My grand total for the privilege of not walking down the aisle and having to attend the reception in a heinous dress? $460.00 + the other cash I spent on the shower and bachelorette.. And I didn't even get the cheap, ugly jewelry gift...she gave it to the original bridesmaid who backed out.

The cost of her husband coming out of the closet last year? Priceless.

*NOT HER REAL NAME

Congratulations to Christina Courser! We hope she buys something really nice for herself with that gift card, courtesy of Random House. And ladies remember: You don't have to be a bridesmaid just because someone asks you.

In the immortal words of Nancy Reagan, just say "no."

The Annals of Being a Bridesmaid #4

2007-03-16T06:25:00.000-07:00

Another entry from our best of collection. Despite the description, this is one where we wished she had also sent in a picture!

No one at my friends' wedding looked like anything out of “The Wedding Crashers!” Why do all movies about weddings portray the bridal party as randy co-eds ready for their lessons in sexual exploration? Trust me, the only exploration I felt like doing after seeing what the beautician at the parlor had done to my face and hair was to find a weapon that I could assault her with and then turn it on myself to put me, and everyone who was viewing my new face, out of misery.

Now I began by telling this competent cosmetologist that my hair was different than anything she had probably ever encountered. I actually had three separate types of hair on my head. On the sides of my face, above my ears, the strands were smooth and almost straight. I didn’t disclose that the reason for this oddity amongst the rest of my nappy roots was due to the fact that since I was coordinated enough to manipulate my digits I had a nervous habit of twirling my hair in those spots. To this day, I am known to get two big strands on both sides of my head going, twirling faster and faster depending on how hard I’m concentrating, until it appears that I might take flight.

Now, for the second part of my hair, we will be moving towards the back of my head around the nape of my neck. The hair that lines my neck is nice, soft and wavy. It has been shielded from the torturous rays of the sun and has had the benefit of years of hibernation, protected from the elements by the enormous mass that lies above. What does in fact lie above has amazed friends and acquaintances alike for all my life. One observer mentioned that it actually required its’ own zip code. The best way to describe it is to say that if you could genetically combine the hair from a horse, a wire-haired fox terrier, and a kitchen broom, you might have a close resemblance to what type of stuff inhabits the crown on my head.

Now that my beautician had received the full follicle story she could begin her masterpiece. She assured me that she had handled many a head of hair like mine and dove into my coif with gusto and determination (ok, is it just me or did that just sound like a lesbian porn reference?) She began by working from the bottom up, which worried me as I began to have visions of mushroom-like clouds of wiry strands whose results could, if not wearing radioactive protection gear, at least make you nauseous. She quickly realized that this was not the accurate route through the rat maze of hair and started over. Now the whole process of attempting a new attack only to abandon all hope was repeated again and again. Each time the bush on top of my head grew in so many dimensions I was certain that Buckaroo Banzai was now crossing over into my hair.

When she got out the black orthodontic rubber bands I didn’t know if she planned to employ them in the up-doo or sadistically place them on my nipples for a little diversion. Puzzlement solved: into the bush they went. Now these bands are used to force permanent teeth to shift within a person’s jaw. There what you might call the “Mighty Mouse” or rubber bands. I guess my hair artist figured that if these little suckers were strong enough to correct dental problems, it would surely hold my tresses as she wished. And, after about 3-100 count bags of these suckers, my hair had in fact begun to behave. The problem was that it was behaving like an orc helmet from the prop department of LOTR.

Now that the “up-doo” had officially become an “up-don’t” we moved on to the makeup. Suffice it to say that I don’t normally wear makeup. The only time I put on makeup is when I’m going to Rocky Horror or the final (and they really mean it this time!) KISS concert. This time the make-up artist really had her work cut out for her. She started with a lovely translucent base, applied a matte coat of powder to reduce the shine and then outlined my “entrancing” eyes with some sort of tiny brush dipped in liquid that must have been stored in the freezer. She then completed the look with some colors on my eye lids to add luster and an overall bronzer to blend and bring the look together.

She brought something together alright. What it looked like was the unholy matrimony of the Caucasian-midget version of Rue Paul and “The Thing” in drag. Of course everyone told me it wasn’t as bad as I thought but their words didn’t carry much credibility considering they were about to toss their champagne.

Ah well, I thought, I put on my celadon/celery/sea foam dress with spaghetti straps and an empire waist and moved about like I was royalty. Less like Queen Elizabeth and more like Henry the 8th mind you, but none the less royal. Before the music began at the church I grabbed my friend, the bride’s arm and said to her, “Well, this is it, are you ready?” to which she replied, “How can I not be! They always say, ‘with a good man by your side, you can get through anything’, well, today it looks like I’ve got a good man on both sides, so I’m golden!” Neither of us could laugh for fear of turning into Alice Cooper-look-alikes, so we choked back the tears and strutted down the isle.

Later I told my friend that it was my entire plan from the beginning. I knew she wanted to look good that day and all eyes would be upon her and her beauty...

The Annals of Being a Bridesmaid #3

2007-03-15T09:07:00.000-07:00

WARNING: C'mon, there's not a woman out there who hasn't had an "accident." But still, we don't advise reading this one while eating.

We called this one "SUNDAY BLOODY SUNDAY." Thanks to the reader who sent this in--it made for an extra laugh at our book party that our friend Will read it.

Aug 14th 2005: a day that will live in infamy.

I was a bridesmaid in my brothers’ wedding, which just happened to also be the hottest day of the year. I woke up that day sick with the flu, and lucky me, started my period. It took all my energy just to get dressed in my very pale yellow bridesmaid’s dress and head out to the ceremony, an hour’s drive away.

It was hot and humid-- the kind of heat where you just can’t breathe. The wedding started and I was just beginning my trek down the aisle when I heard my mother whisper loudly:

“Barb! There’s blood on your dress. There’s BLOOD on your dress!”

So of course I freak out. I didn’t know what to do. There was blood all over the butt of my dress, and 200 people to witness it. I literally wanted to die right on the spot. The other bridesmaids wouldn’t let me run away. Instead, they just put a shawl around me, which only added to the sweat that was dripping down my cleavage, and I had to stand there for over 10 minutes till the vows were over.

Let’s just say after that, I ran to my car and went home. But I still have stains in my car that remind me every day of one of the worst days of my life.

New show about nuptial nutters

2007-03-07T09:51:00.000-08:00

I just heard about this show, The Wedding Bells which totally surprises me because I like to justify all my hours of television watching as "research," and for me not to have heard of this until now makes me think I need to up the hours I dedicate to my studies. Or maybe I haven't heard of this because I have been watching MTV almost exclusively: Two a Days, My Super Sweet 16, Maui Fever, Dance Fever I can't get enough.

The show is about three sisters who run a "lavish" wedding facility. I don't know about you, but when I hear "reception facility" I do not think "lavish." I think "factory" and "cheesy."

The main reason I wanted to mention this show is because the article that reviewed it was called "Bridezillas are funny! Not." How tired is that "not" joke? A while back there was a funeral for the word "def" and I think it's time that the "blah blah blah. Not!" joke is similarly buried.

That said, I will TiVo this show and add it to my "research" hours. If you want to check it out, it has the stellar spot of Friday nights on Fox.

Do Men Get Hit by the Bridal Wave?

2007-03-01T10:22:00.000-08:00

I've been wanting to write something about this for a long time, ever since I talked to my old friend Bay about the book last summer and told him my big news. ("You're abandoning me!" was his response.)

Then a reader named Annie wrote in to share some links from Odd Todd. In particular, we loved his rant on the online wedding gift registry:

So today I went online to buy a wedding gift for a wedding I went to months ago. I went to weddingchannel.com and found where the couple was registered. That was the easy part. Then it got like annoying and headachey. Here's a listing of the stuff that annoyed or bothered me:

1. I went to the wedding by myself and I don't really know how much I'm supposed to spend. People say, 'Whatever it costs per plate is approximately what should be spent for the gift. But how am I supposed to know how much they paid per plate? Is that number printed if you turn the dinner plate upsidedown or something? WTF? I never had a wedding! I don't know what stuff costs! And you can't call up the bride and say, 'Hey! What was the dollar amount per plate for your shindig?' Right?

2. When choosing off a registry sometimes things feel too random. Like say 3 forks and a butter knife fits my budget but nobody has bought the spoons or the knives or the other forks and it's months after the wedding-- would they really want just the three lone forks and a butter knife if there's a chance no other forks and stuff aren't gonna be bought?

3. If I buy something that's like leftover registry scraps because it's months later (like a gravy boat saucer or whatever) it feels extra impersonal and lazy. I know the couple wants stuff off the registry but doesn't the extra leftover stuff make for a weird thank you note? Like, 'Hey! Thanks for the gravy boat saucer! Every time the gravy spills out of the boat we'll be thankful it's not on the tablecloth! Thanks to you! We love it!' People can't treasure a gravy boat saucer. Right?

4. The shipping charge is sort of a factor. Like let's say I want to spend $100 on a gift and shipping is $15.00. Now it's $115 I'm spending technically. I get mad that the place is ripping me off that way but it feels weird to drop down to $85 to make up the difference. Even though technically it should be ok maybe or something. Or not.

When we were writing the book, we made an editorial decision not to include the male perspective.But there many men we met who said being single at a certain age is hard for them, too: if you have a substantial relationship history, clearly you are a commitment-phobe, if your relationship history is somewhat lacking, you are clearly gay.

We have guy friends who either a) went along with an engagement (they bought the ring even though they never exactly "asked") without ever actually thinking about, oh, you know, spending the rest of their life with that person or b) went ahead and got married because it seemed easier than breaking up, and then promptly got divorced before their first anniversary.

I've got a friend whose boyfriend just has three high school friends get engaged and he's panicking himself. (About what, we wonder: That his GF may start dropping "hints" or that he's going to lose all his friends to Club Wedd or is it actually existential--like where am I in my life and should I be doing this, too?) Then I've got another guy friend who had the good sense to break off an engagement but now worries he might be single forever. Then there's my friend who's been single so long that he seems unable to have a relationship beyond a few months because he is so set in his ways that he doesn't want to compromise at all. He thinks he wants to settle down, but as soon as something becomes relationshippy, with expectations about Friday nights together and etc., he's out.

What do you think? Are men as hard hit by the Bridal Wave?

If so, why is it that when you go to a wedding with a guy you are dating, when the question "So what about you two, are you going to get married?" is lobbed, it is always directed at women?

Did Diddy punch my landlord?

2007-03-01T00:09:00.000-08:00

So I am watching my "Daily 10" on E! when I hear a story about Diddy being under investigation for punching out a guy....then they say the guy's name and it is my landlord, Gerard Rechnitzer!!!!! I feel so one degree from Puffy!

Fairy-Tale Wedding? Disney Can Supply the Gown

2007-02-24T13:11:00.000-08:00

I am not sure what I think about this. Thanks to Kathleen for sending this article from the WSJ my way.
Princess-Inspired Designs Aim to Attract Older Crowd;Subtle Mermaid Styling
By MERISSA MARR

February 22, 2007; Page B1
Walt Disney Co. has made a fortune out of turning little girls into princesses. Now it plans to turn big girls into princesses, too.

In a move to expand the reach of one of its most popular franchises, Cinderella and her regal friends are moving into the bridal business with a line of wedding dresses and accessories. Disney has teamed up with couture bridal designer Kirstie Kelly to transform blushing brides into their favorite princesses, complete with billowing gowns and crystal tiaras. At a cost of $1,100 to $3,000 for each gown, brides will be able to walk down the aisle in dresses inspired by Cinderella, Snow White, Belle, Sleeping Beauty, Jasmine or Ariel.

DISNEY'S NEW WEDDING GOWNS

As Ms. Kelly sees it, Cinderella is "classic glamour" -- the dresses in her line come in high-shine satin with ball-gown skirts and make generous use of silver embroidery and crystals. Snow White has a slightly more conservative look dubbed "sweet elegance." Ariel and Jasmine models are considerably racier. Ariel, who played the title role in "The Little Mermaid," has a "sultry allure" and is "comfortable showing her body." Jasmine, from "Aladdin," is "bohemian chic," and her various dresses are big on sheath and lace. In all, Disney will offer 34 princess designs for its first season.

The new wedding gowns, which will go on sale made-to-order at bridal boutiques in North America in June, are an effort by Disney to extend its line of princess paraphernalia to older consumers. Created in 2001 when the company's consumer-products division started packaging its female characters, Disney Princess has grown into a craze among little girls that is fast approaching annual sales of $3.5 billion from costumes, dolls, bedroom furniture and other regalia.

In thinking of ways it could reach outside the core princess crowd of 3- to 6-year-olds, Disney homed in on women who had grown up with the characters. Brides seemed an obvious target.

"Most brides, even the cynical ones, want to be a princess on their wedding day and see their husband-to-be as Prince Charming," Ms. Kelly said recently at her bridal boutique in the upscale Brentwood district of Los Angeles. To date, there are no plans to offer prince costumes for grooms.

But don't expect the gaudy princess costumes that kids run around in. Ms. Kelly says her designs are more about capturing the "mood" of the princess than creating an exact replica of each of the cartoon characters' outfits.

That means using more subtle colors than the startling pinks, yellows and blues of the mini-princess world. The Cinderella designs, for instance, come in refined ivory and champagne, rather than the bright blue of the original attire. That also means including only delicate features from the characters' costumes. One of the five Ariel designs has a subtle mermaid styling to the skirt, for instance. Another has waves of shell-like beading cascading down to the hem.

By making the designs more subtle versions of the characters, the company hopes to appeal to more buyers. "No bride wants to look like she's at her sweet-16 birthday party," says Sandy Ferreira, who has ordered the princess dresses for her Distinctive Designs Bridal boutique in Rockville, Md. "There needs to be a sense of elegance."

Still, some of the dresses go places the princess costumes wouldn't dream of -- namely a sexier look. For the newer princesses, Ariel and Jasmine, the designs feature dropped necklines and backs and bare shoulders. (In an unrelated move, Disney also is using a sexy version of Cinderella in an advertising campaign that features actress Scarlett Johansson in the princess's blue dress.)

The dresses aren't Disney's first venture into weddings. The company has a popular wedding service at its theme parks. Thousands of couples have been married to such tunes as "Someday My Prince Will Come," with their wedding rings offered up in a glass slipper before being whisked away in Cinderella's coach. Yesterday, the company unveiled a new wedding-planning service from celebrity party planner David Tutera, starting at around $75,000 for 50 guests.

Until now, brides who wanted the full princess experience had to design their own gowns. In its research leading up to the decision to make the dresses, Disney found that brides tend to spend more on their dress than they plan to, which amounts to an average 10% of a $26,000 total budget.

The midrange market marks a shift for Ms. Kelly, who usually designs couture dresses costing as much as $20,000 for celebrity clients, including some of the cast in the movie "Wedding Crashers."

To maintain a luxurious look at lower prices, the 38-year-old designer found a Chinese factory three hours outside Guangzhou that was experienced at making wedding dresses.

She used cheaper materials in parts of the dress that don't meet the eye. The Snow White-inspired dresses, for instance, combine silks on the surface with polyester fabrics underneath.

In designing the dresses, Ms. Kelly says she spent night after night watching animated Disney movies such as "Cinderella." Then she tried to imagine what the modern-day equivalent of each of the princesses would be.

She pictured Sleeping Beauty as a creative type and labeled her "pretty romance." Her dress features an elegant A-line skirt with pearl-like beads and crystals at the hem. By contrast, Belle, from "Beauty and the Beast," "knows who she is" and would be a doctor or lawyer. Her dress with "stylish sophistication" comes in taffeta and features her signature roses.

Some of the princesses skew slightly older than others, Ms. Kelly felt. Belle, for instance, is an older bride, perhaps 30-35, while Snow White is younger, maybe in her early 20s.

Ms. Kelly sketched out various designs for each princess, which she plans to unveil at Bridal Week in New York in April. Disney hopes by the end of the year to offer the dresses in around 500 boutiques in North America, and has plans to move into Europe and Japan as well. It's also launching a line of costume jewelry for each princess with pieces costing $45 to $295.

Other accessories will follow in October, including bridesmaid and flower-girl dresses, as well as shoes next year. For now, Disney is recommending existing brands of shoes for each outfit -- for instance, Jimmy Choo for Cinderella and London Sole ballet flats for Snow White.

The Annals of Being a Bridesmaid #2

2007-02-24T09:18:00.000-08:00

Another entry (names changed to protect the innocent and long-suffering). We love this woman's attitude!

My worst bridesmaid story involves many separate weddings, all leading up to the worst. In the past 2 years, I have been a bridesmaid 4 times and a reader/guest book watcher/ insert other crappy job, numerous others. Until last Saturday, I had caught three bouquets at the past weddings because as everyone knows, if you’re single you are forced to go up and catch the bouquet. [Ed. note: Erin finds the bouquet toss to be the perfect opportunity to hit the ladies room.]

In the past, the running joke had been to “aim for Jessica” (uh, me). Ha ha, isn’t that clever? The first or second time I heard it, I tried to make a joke out of it and say that I need more fake flowers in my apartment anyway or I appreciate the opportunity to practice my superior catching skills.

Regardless of the impressions of friends, I do not view my self as a desperate single. I have a good job, I’m currently working on my MBA and I like to think that I am reasonably attractive. I also have a boyfriend whom I have been dating for quite awhile, who is also in graduate school and looking into getting his PhD. I am happy where I am and truthfully would not want to change anything until we were both out of school anyway. However, if you were to ask my engaged/married/pregnant friends, because he has not purchased the obligatory iceberg for my hand, I must not be happy.

Last Saturday, at my best friend from high school’s wedding, while wearing my 3rd consecutive strapless burgundy bridesmaid dress, I reported front and center to the “single’s circle,” ready to await a parcel of flowers hurled at my head. To my surprise, I did not see any flowers aiming in my direction. Had the bride mercilessly decided to by-pass my presence and give it to one of the 3 eight-year-old flower girls that so desperately wanted them? Alas, no. My friend had snuck up behind me to HAND THEM TO ME. Yes, that’s correct. Apparently neither my catching skills at the last 10 weddings, nor my luck at finding a man who would possibly want to marry me could be trusted, and to ensure the traditional joke and folly, she thought that singling me out (no pun intended) and handing me the bouquet was best.

To top it all off, the person that caught the garter was her 10-year-old cousin, who appeared mortified to have his picture taken with me. He must have thought that being single was contagious. I could have cried, laughed or even run out. Instead I chose to smile; after all was her day and someday even if I never marry and am eaten alive by my various cats, I know that I will have a very lovely apartment. It’s a good thing I like fake flowers.

The Annals of Being a Bridesmaid: #1

2007-02-21T09:34:00.000-08:00

Thus begins our special feature: The Annals of Being a Bridesmaid, wherein we share some of the best entries we received to our Single Girl's Registry. While we thank the awesome folks at Random House for doing the contest and look forward to hearing who won, we almost think $200 doesn't cut it for what some of you went through.

One reader sent in the above picture with this simple but very apt message:

"They say a picture is worth a thousand words. Enough said."

Very true. But of course Valerie & I can't be completely silent when your dress looks like it was repurposed from Holiday Inn Express bedcovers after they upgraded their look from "English Garden" to "South West."

The "F" Word

2007-02-19T19:34:00.000-08:00

The thing about being a Bridal Wave (ahem) straggler is that when you are finally done attending all your friends' weddings, you may find you have yet another one to go to that you weren't expecting: yours.

If you are anything like Valerie and me, princess dresses and tiaras make you break out in hives, and if you read The Bridal Wave, you know the wedding industry is designed to make even the mightiest woman into a complete sucker. (Isn't it funny that all the near-hysterical headlines about marriage being on the decline fail to mention that the wedding industry is booming--and doesn't appear to be concerned about all the New York Times U.S. Census stories? Here's a fun fact: If you were born after 1977 you have been labeled a “Millennial” also called an “Echo Boomer” or “Gen Y.” You are the children of baby boomer parents and you outnumber the generation before you, which means that you are responsible for the projected 22% that the bridal market is expected to grow from 2002 to 2017. )

So like we told you in the book, if you WANT to get married, chances are good (88%) that you will...once you've survived the recycling of Mr. Not-Quites, the trauma of your Grandfather trying to set you up with his elder care aide, and having your butt fall asleep while sitting at the singles' table. What do you do then?

Enter Kelly Bare's new book The "F" Word: A Fiancee Tells Her Story From "I Will" to "I Do". Kind of like a big sister to The Bridal Wave, Kelly's book picks up where ours leaves off, and through her really smart essays (she had me at "engagment," her possibly Freudian-slip of the keys when tried to type "engagement") she continues the good fight in demystifying all that "Happiest Day of Your Life" propaganda. So if you or one of your really cool friends is heading for a lobridemy, check this book out.

Why do I care about ads?

2007-02-18T23:40:00.000-08:00

This has been a TV-heavy weekend for me. Lots of couch time. Lots of TiVo. I should have done a Valerie’s Reality, but I watched so many different shows in a row that they’ve all blurred together. Unfortunately, Brothers and Sisters I had to watch live, and therefore had to suffer through the commercials. Here then, my thoughts on a few of them.

Purell- The first time I saw their tagline, “Imagine a Touchable World,” I thought it was sad that so many people have become such germaphobes. On second viewing (I rewound, thank you TiVo,) I came up with a different theory: when they researched the commercial they had a focus group full of "heavy Purell users" i.e., germaphobes. Imagine eight of these people sitting around a table, talking about Purell situations, and probably skeeving each other out in the process. For them the world is untouchable. I'm glad not to relate. I admit that I am more of a slob than most, but I am also never sick. I touch doorknobs without fear, safe in the knowledge that germs don't live on metal surfaces, or so I tell myself.

Kleenex- This ad featured a woman talking about her struggles in life and how she overcame them. The she spoke about crying and then you find out that she is schilling for Kleenex. Their tagline, "Let It Out" is lame. Is their strategy, "celebrate crying"? I guess that could be ok. Crying can be good. But Kleenex seems more like nose blowing to me. I guess it would be hard to have a 30 second, inspirational story that hits its zenith when the protagonist blows her nose.

I did like a few commercials today. One for the Toyota Tundra and one that of course now I can’t remember. Oh, and I am liking the “so easy even a caveman can do it” ads more and more. Unfortunately I am not sure what brand they’re for. Is it Geico? I’ll check after posting.

I have been watching a lot of TLC, Oh! and WE this weekend. I have nothing interesting to say about that, but feel I must confess.

A casualty of the Bridal Wave

2007-02-16T17:14:00.000-08:00

Sounds like someone was in desperate need of our book.....and a Psychiatrist!

Dumaguete City, Philippines - published on hipfox.com - A woman who got mad that her boyfriend of 12 years hadn’t gotten her a valentine’s day gift flew into a rage yesterday and chopped off her left nipple after cutting off her boyfriend’s penis first.

Reynato Reyes, 41, said that his girlfriend had wanted a wedding ring and had been asking for marriage due to stress and nagging from her mother who was dying from cancer.

The girlfriend herself also wanted to have children before she got too old to “play with them”, he said and her mom had hinted on several occasions that Reynato was a loser and that her daughter would be better off without him.

Reynato said that if he had married his girlfriend like the mom wanted, she probably (the mom) would not have stopped nagging them anyway and he saw no need of marrying her as it kept their relationship much more alive that way.

He said the girlfriend, Loreli Belmonte, 32, had warned him that if he did not get her what she wanted after staying with him that long, then she would cut off a part of her body that he loved the most.

Reynato says that he did not take her seriously since she herself loved her own breasts and had forced Reynato to pay for her to get a breast augmentation two years ago.

Reynado says he immediately forgot about the threat when he went to work that morning and that upon coming back home from work later that evening, he found a gift-wrapped box sitting on the floor of his living room.

Just then, Loreli walked in from the bedroom and straight out asked him for “the ring”.

When Reynato failed to produce a ring, Loreli calmly walked toward the box, opened it and took out a brand new machete.

Reynato tried backing out the front door and was obstructed by a chair behind him. He fell backwards and hit his head on the arm chair knocking himself out.

When he came to, he was lying on a hospital bed with unbelievable pain in his groin.

He learned from the police as they questioned him that his girlfriend had indeed cut off her left nipple after cutting his penis off and had then proceeded to call the police and tell them exactly what she had done.

Doctors did manage to stitch Reynato’s penis back and he says he is ready to forgive and forget and would take her back as soon as she is released from jail.

thanks for sending my way, Scott!

Fun VD Facts (valentine's day that is)

2007-02-14T12:47:00.000-08:00

Thanks to Scott for passing on these fun VD facts. There are ton more if you click on the link above

File under No Duh
"More than one-third of men would prefer not receiving a gift. Less than 20 percent of women feel the same way."

We've all thought about
"15 percent of U.S. women send themselves flowers on Valentine's Day."

Makes you wonder about those November birthdays
"According to the condom company Durex, condom sales are highest around Valentine's Day, which are 20 percent to 30 percent higher than usual."

"More at-home pregnancy tests are sold in March than in any other month."

Strategic marketing?
"Penicillin, a popular treatment for venereal diseases such as syphilis, was introduced to the world on February 14, 1929."

What? I thought we outnumbered men
"For every 120 single men who are in their 20s, there are 100 single women in the same age range."

Personally, all I ever want for VD is a box of chocolates, preferably bought on Feb 15 for 50% off. And yes, I have been known to buy it for myself.

The Great Bouquet-Off

2007-02-14T01:14:00.000-08:00

VS.

A tacky tale for VD (what my brilliant friend, Paddy, calls Valentine's Day)

Not so long ago, in a land not that far away, ok, at the ad agency where I used to work, V-day in my office was all about what I called, "the bouquet-off": which girl got the best/largest/most flowers. Flowers were held at the side entrance and all day long girls made lame jokes about how those gorgeous long stems had to be for them, "are you sure my name isn't on the card?" For many, the joke was one of those half-serious things, where you hope that the receptionist would say, "as a matter of fact, they are."

Now, I am not one for flowers, in fact I have specifically told Tommy not to get my flowers because I think that cutting something down in the prime of its life is sort of depressing, giving it as a gift, even worse. (Though a friend's recent gift of cut tulips did make my day...) Anyway, i am getting sidetracked.

The competition was unspoken, but I can tell you that I was very vocal when my then-boyfriend took me at my word and didn't give me any flowers.....nothing. I was so psyched to have a boyfriend for once and I was beyond bummed to not get that call from reception. We got into a fight that night.

That I am married to him today, while the girl who got 3 dozen long-stemmed beauties is still single, is a testament to the fact that we should not got too caught up in number of stems in our vase. I was sucked into the materialism of a Hallmark holiday and acted like a spoiled brat.

For years we see commercials for Zales and Kay, telling us that love means little black boxes. Unrealistic expectations of romantic gestures set many couples up for a V-Day fight. Not exactly what Cupid intended.

Of course, V-Day is another reminder to singles that they are nobody's valentine. In our book we talk about Bridal Wave Danger Zones and how to respond when your mother calls to ask how you are fairing, all alone on yet another Valentine's Day. Also, with the holidays being the time with the most engagements, many women are still reeling from a slew of their friends I've Got Big News engagement calls when, before they know it, they are hit with another round of calls, the V-day engagements.

My advice for singles, go ahead and feel bummed for yourself if you are so inclined. If there is any one day to wallow, Valentine's Day is it. Just keep it to today though. A pity party can be just what the doctor ordered, but don't let your bad mood be the guest who you can't get to leave.

Bridal Wave Hits the Sunset Strip

2007-02-12T18:20:00.000-08:00

After leaving sub-zero temperatures in NYC, we did what anyone fleeing winter would do: we rented a Mustang convertible so we could arrive at our reading in style.(Sadly, no sooner did we get to Hollywood and park the car for lunch did someone clip our driver's side mirror and leave it dangling. Note to the hit and run driver on Martel: karma's a bitch.) But we did arrive on Sunset to see our book cover and mugs staring back at us from the Book Soup window:

Before it startd, I 'fessed up that the motivating factor for me to work at Book Soup during college was its proximity to the Viper Room, because I hoped Johnny Depp might drop by and realize we were meant to be. (What can I say? I hadn't met S. yet.) But Johnny & I were not meant to be, as he never dropped by, though plenty of other celebs did. When school started again, I could not keep two jobs and quit BS. Before I left, however, I helped get Val a job there. And who did she wait on her first day?

Yes. Johnny.

After doing a bit of reading from the book, we got to sit back and enjoy our friends read selected entries from our bridesmaid horror story contest (which by the way, ends Thursday, 2/15, so you still have a few more days to enter). A big thank you to our super-talented friends Lynn Chen, Ali Davis, Kathleen Kindle, Noah Laracy, Susannah Laracy, and Will O'Hara!

Wine was on hand thanks to the fabulous people at Bodega Wine Bar.

Valerie signs a copy for the lovely Lynda Kay of Lonesome Spurs.

My pal Andrea Meyer, whose novel "Room For Love" comes out this September from St. Martin's Press!

Here are some more scenes for everyone who couldn't be there. Hope to do something similar on the east coast when the weather is warmer!

How eighties!

2007-02-08T13:47:00.000-08:00

So I am not a fan of 80's nostalgia. I lived it and wore neon without irony. I think I feel about the 80's the way my mom felt about me coming home with a treasure trove of thrift store finds from the 70's. She didn't think it was a treasure.

Anywho, the other day Tommy and I went to Bed Bath and Beyond (I tend to always need things that fall into the "beyond" category) at the Beverly Center, where you have to pay $1 for the privilege of parking. Paying to shop will never make sense to me.

Just after pulling into the lot we realized that between the two of us we didn't have a dollar to our name. We parked and began the desperate game of searching the car for change. Frustrated that we only came up with $0.50 we decided to just go in and figure out the dollar later. And in that nanosecond when the door was closing Tommy realized that we had locked the keys in the car.

I bet not many of you could do this anymore. Thanks to the mighty key FOB, most of us are spared from that dreadful moment when the door is closing just as you recognize what you've done. Not us. We kick it old school with our keys. So now we are locked out of our car without a dollar to our name.....or our cell phones! That's right, we left them at home. I always have my phone. Always. So now we are penniless and unable to make a phone call. Just try finding a pay phone these days.

Thankfully, the kind manager of Bed Bath and Beyond called Mall security who helped us get back into our car....for free! They did break our door's lock, but I'll just add that to the list of our car's quirks. Our quick trip took about an hour and a half: just long enough for Stella to get tired of waiting for us and pee on the living room floor. awesome.

All I could think throughout the whole ordeal was "how very 80's."

Martha Stewart Living Radio

2007-02-06T15:17:00.000-08:00

Listen to us:

Wednesday, February 7, 1:00 p.m. EST
Kerry Nolan's Living Today (Martha Stewart Radio-SIRIUS channel 112)

Cynics Rejoice

2007-02-06T07:51:00.000-08:00

My friend Jacque sent me this link:

Capitalizing on divorce rates, and, as they put it, the "what do i do with the ring?" scenario that follows, the good folks behind idonowidont.com are just trying to help out with your loss--getting only 25-35% of the ring's original retail value when you try to sell it.

Ick.

Gives new meaning to the term "conflict diamonds," doesn't it?

Candace Bushnell Time Change

2007-02-01T06:34:00.000-08:00

Hi everyone,

If you are a SIRIUS subscriber, you'll get a double feature of us today:

Today from 6:30-7:15 EST, catch us on Candace Bushnell's Sex, Success and Sensibility (SIRIUS channel 102)

Then turn the dial to channel 159 to listen to us on
Father Dave Dwyer's Busted Halo

Some Mid-day Entertainment: A Bride Losing It

2007-01-31T12:26:00.000-08:00

So I have my doubts that this is real, but it's funny nonetheless. I hope someone gave this girl her meds, or at least a straightjacket. Moral of the story: keep sharp objects aways from Bridezillas.

Q&A: Bridesmaid pushed to the brink

2007-01-30T08:18:00.000-08:00

Dear E&V: I'll save the angsty, existential "why her and not me?"- ness for another time, but I have an etiquette-type question today.

My friend is being married soon, one of 9 weddings of my friends this year, and there are five bridesmaids, and we all live in the same city. The problem is that the bride is only involving the maid of honor in any decisions - the dresses, the shower, the hairstyles, etc. The coup de grace is that the rest of us just got a long "itinerary" for the bridal shower from the maid of honor, ostensibly given by all of us, and every tiny detail has already been planned in ten minute increments.

The unflattering hot pink dress was bad enough, but I'm particularly mad about this. Should I address it with my friend, who is deep in Bridezilla mode, the maid of honor who is sure to rat on me to the bride, or just ignore it and be happy that I didn't have to spend hours cooing over scented candle party favors?- Not Pretty in Pink

Dear NPIP- Sounds to us like you dodged a bullet. How glad are you that you aren't the maid of honor? Personally I would rather rock a heinous dress for 6 hours than spend months planning a Lobridemy's big day.

Voicing your annoyance is out of the question. You agreed to be in the wedding party and once you did that, you signed away your right to bitch....at least to anyone else in the party, who will surely rat you out. Find a friend outside the invite list and complain away.

Valerie's Reality

2007-01-26T22:57:00.000-08:00

Let me tell you, my Friday night is a rager! I spent a solid 2 hours catching up on all my reality shows. Over the past two days, I managed to squeeze all these in. Thank goodness for TiVo. I feel (almost) sorry for all those commercials. And doesn't it seem like commercial breaks are way longer than "two and two"? This must be blind greed because even a blind man could see that in our ADD society, give me a five minute commercial break and you will never get me back. Mainly because I'll have forgotten where I was.

Anywho, without further ado, here is my innaugural Valerie's Reality. And if you have a cuter name for this possibly recurring feature, feel free to send it in.

Ego Trip's The (White) Rapper Show
This show works on a number of levels:

1. MC Serch constantly stresses respect and subtracts points for swear words, and not to sound like a grandma, but it's nice to see good values being taught on a reality show
2. There are uncomfortable white rapper moments
3. The rappers do not all suck.

The first episode, the one where you see all of the painful auditions, a la American Idol, was unbelievably fabulous. The rest have not been as fabulous. I would rate it a "look forward to."

Maui Fever: There is some most unfortunate male cleaveage happening on this show, but if you can get past that you'll be good shape. I don't know what to say other than it is an MTV show about early 20-somethings living it up in Maui. Good for those of us who still watch MTV. Oh, and I have a friend who worked on this show. Hi Elizabeth! I would rate this a "am I way too old to love this the way I do?"

Engaged and Underage: When I heard about this show I thought it could serve as an example of our society gone marriage mad, but from the one episdoe I caught, it looked to be two people who had decided to wait for marriage to consummate their relationship. While I think that they may be making a mistake by choosing to hop into a lifetime commitment rather than hopping into bed, who am I to say? I don't want to bash anyone's marriage. I do know that the boy's mom was creepily into her son. He did not really seem to mind, but his new wife did...very much. I also know that this show is a "eh, if nothing else is on."

Q & A: The Shower Struggle

2007-01-23T11:12:00.000-08:00

Dear E&V: I'm in the Bridal Wave right now and already got four save-the-dates for this summer. But just yesterday, I got something I've never gotten before: a bridal shower invitation. I'll go to my friend's wedding and buy her a nice present (even though she's a lawyer marrying an investment banker and I'm still in graduate school), but do I really have to go to her shower, too?--Shower-Resistant Sista

Dear SRS: First of all, we can't believe you've been spared the shower agony before! Lucky girl. Here's the thing: you don't *have* to do anything. If the shower requires you to travel an hour or more, and she's not a particularly close friend, it's perfectly acceptable to decline the invitation. The good news: you don't have to bring a present or buy her one if you're not going. If she is a close friend and the shower is close-by, you better have a full-proof excuse for the weekend (might you have forgotten that it's your Grandmother's 90th birthday party? You can't disappoint Grams!), or else it might be wise to grin and bear it. In that case, check out Ch. 3 "Navigating Wedding Season" for tips on getting through it.

You make me feel like an unnatural woman

2007-01-20T00:55:00.000-08:00

I just read a Daily Express article which has, I think, a fabulously hideous headline: "Childless...the price of being famous." The first line of the article pretty much sums it all up: "To get ahead in the cut-throat world of show business as a woman you should forget having children, it seems."

The author then goes on to briefly discuss Oprah and Jennifer Aniston (and of course she mentions the whole Brangelina thing) and other successful "childless" women and why they don't have children, never taking into consideration that these women are choosing not to have children because they do not want to be parents. No, that can't be. It must be because they are scared of younger ingénues or worried about their figures:

"Helen Bartimote, a chartered psychologist, said many factors conspired against successful women in show business choosing to have children. “There is a fear of what is going to be taken away from them if they have a child,” she said. “For men, there is simply not the same threat."

“Once they start becoming more successful in their careers, even more opportunities open up for them and they feel they have to take on more to stay at the top and compete with male counterparts.”

I'm sure that much of what Bartimore says is true, but I find it incredibly annoying that she never even mentions that not all women want to be moms. This just further reinforces the tired idea that in order to be fulfilled as a woman you have to be a mom.

The "conspired" comment also irked me. These women are worth more than most of us will ever earn and they have the ability to have children if they want. They can hire nannies or decide to not work at all. When you are worth $100 million or so I think you have plenty of options. (Mom, I think you would agree with me on this one, right?)

Another gem from the article about these poor, childless women comes at the expense of Renee Zellweger: "Cameron Diaz... has not ventured into motherhood. Nor has actress Renee Zellweger – just like frustrated singleton Bridget Jones, whom she played in two films, helping her to accumulate a £25million fortune."

Nice that they are calling Renee Zellweger a frustrated singleton. I am no Renee fan, but I don't think it's fair to liken her to Bridget Jones and assume that she is unhappy with her status. Gracious, she just got divorced last year. There was a blurb from Renee in a recent People Magazine where she said on her single status: "I'm not single, I'm just really busy." I am starting to like her more.

The most annoying bit? Of the top 10 women earners, 5 have kids. That seemed to take the wind out of her entire argument. Here they are along with the money they've earned and the number of kids they have.

The Haves and Have Nots:

1) Oprah Winfrey £750m 0
2) J.K Rowling £500m 3
3) Martha Stewart £320m 1
4) Madonna £165m 3
5) Celine Dion £125m 1
6) Mariah Carey £115m 0
7) Janet Jackson £75m 0
8) Julia Roberts £70m 2
9) Jennifer Lopez £55m 0
10) Jennifer Anniston £55m 0

More on the NYT's "Trend" Piece

2007-01-18T07:53:00.000-08:00

We are about a half hour away from our radio interview on the Rolonda Show (listen live online at 9:20PST, 12:20EST!) but wanted to try to get this in.

I just read a fantastic piece in the Columbia Journalism Review Daily by Gal Beckerman that takes the NYT to task for yet again creating a "trend" (albeit one emailed around feverishly) based on a few anecdotes and very creative interpretation of statistics. Remember that piece about the Yale undergrads who were already planning to opt-out and be stay-at-home mommies, where it was discovered that the reporter basically talked to one woman and her three roommates, and then called this a "movement"? Here are some of the CJR's points (shocking similiar to what Val called me to complain about yesterday):

..There is nothing that will turn our faces red faster than a story that lazily slaps together a few anecdotes, buffered by a minor statistic, and then presents itself as important news. Especially when the "trend" masks a much more complex and dark reality.

The New York Times reported yesterday that, by a margin of one percent, more women are unmarried than married in America. The article, to no one's great surprise, hinting as it does at the problems of sex and love, was the number one most emailed today (or as Gawker, in its inimitable style, put it this afternoon, "Also, 91% Of Women Are Now E-Mailing Spinster Article To Their Single Friends.")

Leaving aside what struck us as strange methodology (like the fact that the survey counted anyone over the age of fifteen as a woman), there was something else disturbing about the piece. It had a tone of exuberance that spun the numbers as an unambiguously positive piece of progress for women. A quote from William H. Frey of the Brookings Institute captured the mood of it. The shift away from marriage, Frey said, represents "a clear tipping point, reflecting the culmination of post-1960 trends associated with greater independence and more flexible lifestyles for women."

But America is not a monolith. As much as we would like to persist in thinking that we are a classless and race-blind society, the Times, of all papers -- having run groundbreaking series on both race and class -- should realize that a phenomenon that might bode well for middle-class white women might be absolutely disastrous for poor black women.

Apparently, though, we are the only ones to see it like this. Because apart from a tossed-off paragraph that reminds us that, buried within these statistics, seventy percent of African-American women are single, there is nothing to indicate how the epidemic of single parentage in the black community contributes to this statistic. We imagine -- though aren't told -- that many of these women are raising children alone and being dragged deeper into poverty because of their unmarried status.

The NYT is possibly the most-marriage obsessed publication in the U.S. Stay tuned for a list of articles in the past year, and their mixed messages.

How much is that Bridal Wave in the window?

2007-01-17T10:56:00.000-08:00

We just got an email from a friend (OK, one of Val's relatives, but still) that The Bridal Wave is sitting pretty in a B & N window display in Burlington, MA. Is The Bridal Wave in your neighborhood? Send us a pic!

Thanks, Joel!

Wow- did they really do that

2007-01-17T09:33:00.000-08:00

So I just got the actual NYT article about more women being unmarried than married and I CANNOT BELIEVE that they went with the woman and her cat shot!!! Priceless.

More women unmarried than married

2007-01-17T08:49:00.000-08:00

Last night I saw a story on the NBC NIghtly News called, "Watch out, men! More women opt to live alone." A similar story ran in the NY Times* on Sunday and is still one of the most e-mailed articles. The big news is that according to the Census, more than 51% of women are unmarried.

Let me first say that Erin and I discuss the declining rate of marriage in the conclusion of our book, which makes me feel sort of like a smarty. Thanks for letting me get that out of the way.

Here are some of the reasons they mention for the changing stats:
"Women are delaying marriage. And they're living longer as widows. Or, like Baltimore attorney Catherine Flynn, they are in no hurry to get remarried after a divorce. Some have partners and just choose not to marry. Those who follow such trends say it's another sign of women's independence."

That the NBC story only interviewed a 51 divorced women left me wondering if they spoke to any of these couples who are choosing to remain single or to any of the single woman who are choosing to delay marriage. From what we heard in speaking with hundreds of young women, marriage pressure is alive and well. Take a look at any newsstand and you'll see myriad bridal mags and tabloids speculating on who will get hitched next.

The stats do not lie, more women are single than married, but why then do we continue to feel the pressure? Why is the wedding industry still growing? Why is there a whole People Magazine devoted to celebrity weddings?

One statement that made me quetion whether the statisticians had any cultural understanding, came just after they listed Oprah and Condeleeza as two examples of women going it alone: "marriage rates for African American women are especially low, just 30%." Is that a good thing? Are African American women choosing to not get married? I get the feeling that the demographers need to take a sociology class.

And, my last disjointed question: what about men? If 51% of women are unmarried, does that mean the same is true of men? Are there more women than men? Why are they just reporting on women? Last I looked, it took two to make a marriage.

*I have not read the NY Times piece yet so if they cover any of this, please do not blast me.

Our first Q & A

2007-01-16T15:27:00.000-08:00

Yay! I am happy to report that we received our first Bridal Wave question. We welcome all questions/comments/thoughts.

Dear E&V:

Help! I have a friend who has decided to forgo the traditional ceremony/reception thing. She is having a small, family-only ceremony in her hometown of Eugene and a big party in her adopted home of LA. The thing is that I live in Portland and cannot afford to fly to LA for a party. Is it tacky to ask her if I can come to the family ceremony in Eugene? -Poor in Portland

Dear PIP: I want to say that it depends on your relationship with the bride, but really it doesn't. Your friend has decided to have a family-only party and if you are not family, then you are not invited. You can't RSVP to an event to which you are not invited. This is the decision she has made and now you have a decision to make: to fly or not to fly. Maybe if you're lucky, your friend will notice your decline and will invite you to the local ceremony instead.

This makes me wonder, if your friend is having a "party" and not a wedding reception, then I would think there would be no registry, right? Is she registered? If she isn't, maybe you can take that $100 and apply it to the airfare?

News & Reviews

2007-01-16T07:45:00.000-08:00

It was pretty exciting for us to pick up the January 22, 2007 issue of OK! Weekly, which featured not only news on "How Jessica got THIN for her new man" (WTF?) but a review of our book:

But the best review we've gotten so far? We got an email from a reader this weekend:

Thank god you wrote this book! I was starting to think I might be certifiably insane. I'm 26, have my MA, and work as a school psychologist, so you think I would be able to keep a level head with all the wedding craziness, but I couldn't!

It most likely has a lot to do with the fact that my mother (who was also my very best friend) had been diagnosed with cancer, and all she wanted in her life was to plan a wedding and have grandchildren (no pressure, right?). Then my little sister (who doesn't even believe in marriage) got engaged before I did. I pressured my boyfriend of almost two years into proposing by setting deadlines. Unfortunately, my mother passed away before getting to see any wedding, and we broke off our engagement because he 'didn't want to stop trying to be an actor (at 34).' Of course, I did the whole 'I won't find anyone better and he is comfortable' thing, so we got back together. Now, we're on a break and your book made me realize I'm just trying to fit a timeline I made when I was 17, and that this guy really isn't right for me. I may have even ruined what might have been a perfectly good relationship by pressuring him to commit.

My friends are all obsessed with wondering, analyzing, and questioning when their boyfriends will propose. I'm so glad I can now back away from the insanity, worry about myself, and be glad I don't have to spend all that money on a wedding! I'm going to Costa Rica instead!

I swear she's not related to us, nor do we know her personally. So keep sending us your stories, your questions, and everything else to info@thebridalwave.com. And dear reader, send us a pic from Costa Rica. We love to hear from you.

2007-01-16T00:17:00.000-08:00

Brenda Dickson

Style is as important in your life as your look.

Can't get enough Sex and the City

2007-01-09T17:07:00.000-08:00

I feel like the title of this post is very 1999 but it's true. I truly cannot get enough of this show. I tirelessly watch the edited for syndication version as well as the episodes that my Time Warner Cable parcels out to me through On Demand.

In December Time Warner (I so miss Comcast just because I like saying Comcastic!) started back with the first episodes and I feel compelled to watch them all AGAIN! At night I tell myself that I will watch just one, but one turns into two and then I can't stop. The only reason I show any restraint is that I know that I will not be getting new episodes until January 22.

I never read books more than once (except ours, which is so incredible I read it over and over) and I do not own movies but SATC never fails to grab me. As I get, ahem, older, and where I am in my life changes, I take away different things from the episodes. Now that I am in the everyone-I-know-is-having-a-baby years, I identify with different episodes than when I was just entering The Bridal Wave.

Another example of my perspective changing: I used to think that Aidan was Mr. Perfect, but just the other day I watched the episode where he and Carrie are standing outside near a fountain, he in a tux and she in a white dress, and he trys to get her to marry him that night. When I watched it the first time i thought she was a fool not to go for it but this time I thought that she made the right decision. He did not trust her and thought that if she married him it would solve the problem, which it wouldn't.

I may have to rethink my whole Anti-Big stance. Luckily the episodes will be on plenty long enough for me to do so.

When Grandma Attacks

2007-01-08T09:15:00.000-08:00

This just in: Nicolette, who was featured in the NYDN story "The Bridal Wave" because her family is always on her to get married wrote in to tell me:

"You'd appreciate that I showed the article to my grandparents. They had no idea what it was about but saw the top pic with the bride and my grandma said, 'See, I want to see you in a picture like that.' It was classic."

Usually the League of Concerned Citizens' ruthless leader is mom. Check out Ch. 5 for tips on how to deal with the Grand Inquisition.

BTW, that is NOT Nicolette's granny, but I think she kind of represents grandmothers everywhere, don't you?

Visiting the book

2007-01-07T13:40:00.000-08:00

Thanks to all of our friends and family who have visited the book! My parents are dutifully checking stores and then filing reports. Below is our book in the Howard Hughes Borders. This is a busy store in a most awkwardly built shopping center. Lots of good foot traffic since it is near an office park and a movie theatre. And people cannot seem to resist the Nordstrom Rack, though I've have never found anything there.

Thanks to JoAnn for the photo. Feel free to send in your own snaps of the book. We get exctited every time.

Extra! Extra! The Bridal Wave

2007-01-07T10:35:00.000-08:00

We've got Big News! Check out the article in today's New York Daily News magazine.

I wish I could write more, but I'm hopped up on Benadryl and feel like I'm going to fall asleep at the keyboard.

Barnes & Noble, 6th & 18th St.

2007-01-03T11:14:00.000-08:00

Being on Radio Ritas was a blast. Who knew Gloria Steinhem was one of the founders of Greenstone Media?! Very cool.

During our post-interview confab, Valerie told me our book is already at the Barnes & Noble in The Grove, so after coffee & a bagel, I took my sleepy self over to B & N on 18th St. to see if it had hit NYC yet. They were just unlocking the doors and I headed back to the "Relationships" section. Here it is! (Love how it's parked next to something titled Crazy Time!)

And look, Borders on the "new paperbacks" table!

8:06 in the morning!

2007-01-02T12:36:00.000-08:00

We received official confirmation that we'll be guests on Radio Ritas tomorrow at 8:06am! We'll be calling Val at 5:06am her time. Sure, feel bad for Val, but remember that she'll probably be doing the interview in her PJs in bed while I have to go into the studio in NY looking somewhat presentable.

(And due to the holidays, a certain mug of Sidecar on New Year's, I'm still on Pacific Standard Time myself!)

Tune in tomorrow live to see if Val or I are able to get complete sentences together!

Gifts Held Hostage!!

2007-01-02T11:53:00.000-08:00

One of the many benefits of working out of your home is the ability to receive packages/repair people. Coming over between 8am and noon? Not a problem, I'll be here. So when a friend sent a pacakge to me containing Christmas presents for me and her sister in law in LA I thought nothing of it, even when she told me that she sent it "signature required."

The package took a long time to cross the country, but thanks to the tracking number we knew it would arrive sometime Friday, December 22, plenty of time for me to play Santa and deliver the gifts.

That day I went to the flower mart downtown (a fun experience and much cheaper than going to a florist) had lunch and hit the new H&M at the Beverly Center (very disappointing now that it is here in LA and not a special destination and way too 80's for me.)

I got home at 3:00 and saw the Fed Ex slip on my door. I figured I was in a game of get the package of the truck before Christmas. Wrong, a neighbor had signed for my pacakge!! WOO HOO! Thank goodness, right? Wrong.

The package came at noon according to the slip. It was 3:00. I headed over to my neighbor's. I could see the box through her french doors:

She was not home. I didn't think much of it but I went ahead and left a note on her door letting her know that she could just leave the box in front of my door.

When she was not back by Christmas I was annoyed. I mean she tried to do something nice and all and I hate to complain but, come on! Then I saw a neighbor who mentioned that the girl who signed for my box had gone to London to visit family!!! Who does that? Just don't sign for the package. Let me try my luck with getting it off the truck. She signed for it and then less than 3 hours later headed overseas!

It is now January 2 and she is still not home! Really? Who does that? And how do I act when she does get back? Grateful? Am I allowed to say something to the effect of what the heck were you thinking? Thoughts?

Old Story: Women May Have it Worse

2007-01-02T08:50:00.000-08:00

Val sent me this L.A. Times article recently, which examines how once solidly middle-class or upper middle-class women find themselves facing severe financial difficulties in their retirement years. If you remember all the Caitlin Flanagan/Linda Hirschman brouhaha a few years ago, this was also pivotal issue in the stay-at-home mom debate: women who later end up divorced may have enormous gaps of years where they didn't contribute to Social Security, pensions, or 401(k)s because they were raising children, and not in the full-time workforce.

Says one of the women profiled in the piece:

"Maybe I'll be that old lady on the cruise ship working as a singer, and I'll supplement my income working in a nursing home," said Tucker Emerson, who lives on the coast of Maine. She added, "We need to teach our daughters that you have to take care of yourself for the future."

In the spirit of the New Year and making changes, please check out our book and the chapter called "A Shoulder to Lean On, Not a Bank Account to Sponge Off." The message: forget about devoting energy to the manhunt, or marrying well. It's about getting your sh*t together so you always know you can take care of yourself, man or no man.

I realize this isn't as easy to accomplish as a tagline--this is as much a political issue as it is a personal one. But apparently there are some things in the works: a bill was introduced last September. The Women's Retirement Act of 2006 could be the first of many societal changes to help level the playing field--even in the game's later innings.

Who knew?

2006-12-27T09:55:00.000-08:00

So I have discovered something very unpleasant:
Eating desserts every night (yes I meant for desserts to be plural) + eating whatever you want for b,l,d - exercise = weight gain!
Go figure.

I am not usually a sweets girl and I am snobby about the baked goods I do eat (I only eat baked from scratch, and cut and bake don't count.) Generally that keeps me in check because so many people bust out the packaged cookies. Not this year. I now have too many friends who are excellent bakers.

Welcome to the vicious cycle:

My clothes have not been fitting quite right, which makes me annoyed. To not obsess over how tight everything is I go to my fat pants and the pants with elastic waistbands (think Old Navy sleep pants), which allow me to forget how unpleasantly tight my real clothes are as I shove another snickerdoodle in my mouth. Not good.

I have said it before and I will say it again: I will never again eat in elastic! Maybe I should write a diet book, "Don't eat in elastic and other tips from Val?"

Hope you are all coming down from your sugar highs.

The Great Cranberry Shortage of 2006

2006-12-25T09:30:00.000-08:00

After a lovely day spent strolling around Belmont Shores and watching Stella romp at the dog beach, Tommy and I headed home and discussed our Christmas plans.

We had decided to stay in LA after a vague unvitation from my parents, "don't feel like you have to come back to Virginia every year." Our plan was to skip the traditional meal (especially since I am a vegetarian) and celebrate Christmas as my mom's side of the family would, Twin Dragons Chinese Restaurant.

The only problem is that Twin Dragons' food is well, not delicious. We reassessed. When Erin left she gave me a box of unopened stuffing. It was a sign. I would cook dinner. We would keep it simple:
Stuffing, cranberry Sauce, corn Bread, Pillsbury "Crescent" rolls (nasty but tasty), green beans, corn and a turkey leg for Tommy.

I thought it would be a quick in and out at Whole Foods. Wrong. They were out of Cranberries. We headed to Gelsons. They were out too,as was the Whole Foods on 3rd, Ralphs on 3rd, Ralphs on Hauser, Erewon and Trader Joes. Luckily my schnazzy Treo saved us from actually going ot most of the stores, but we did hit 4 of them.

Cranberry sauce is my favorite. FAVORITE. Christmas dinner is not Christmas dinner without it.

I ended up with Whole Foods' cranberry sauce in a can, both the jelly kind and the whole kind. I am trying to stay open-minded about it, but part of me wants to pack it it and hit the Mu Shu.

Podcast of our first radio interview!

2006-12-22T10:37:00.000-08:00

Val & I had a blast as guests on Carol Allen's "Enlightening Relationships." In the New Year, we'll be adding a section to the site permanently for press, but in the meantime, check it out by clicking on the title of this entry, and let us know what you think.

Happy holidays from Val & I. Just remember that December is prime engagement time and be prepared for those "I've Got Big News" January calls. The Bridal Wave is released Jan. 2 and should be in major bookstores near you mid-January. And for those of you in L.A., pick up a copy at Kitson Boutique.

Ten Things I Love About Los Angeles

2006-12-22T09:28:00.000-08:00

1. You can drive around in the car at night, bawling your eyes out, and no one knows.
2. You can walk into one of the best restaurants in town with no reservation, sidle up to the bar, and get amazing Steak Frites with no wait.
3. The 3rd St. Christmas walk, wherein you get drunk on all the free wine and goodies and buy completely random things at 10% off. (One exception: the cashmere tights from Hillary Rush that are going to change my life in NYC this winter.)
4. Runyon Canyon in the middle of the week when you're dog-sitting.
5. Trails in Griffith Park for the pie.
6. Hollywood Forever.
7. The back patio at The Coffee Table, because it has no wireless and forces me to work for hours.
8. Burbank Airport.
9. Karuna Yoga and Bahn Sabai massage.
10. My friends.
Especially the ones with pools.

Sad farewell

2006-12-22T00:16:00.000-08:00

Tonight I said goodbye to Erin, who is heading back to her real life in NYC. Thanks to an amazing stroke of luck, I got to spend all of 2006 with her, working on The Bridal Wave.

Not to get all mushy but I want to take a moment to say how much I am going to miss her in my life. I have never been one to have a lot of friends, just a few close ones, and Erin is definitely at the top of that list. We have been close for about 15 years and have been through so much together: adjusting to life 3000 miles away from home, moving to Japan, good relationships, bad relationships, personal loss, just so much.

I love the Brownie saying (and if it did not originate with the Brownies I apologize:) Make new friends but keep the old, one is silver and the other gold. I have made some new, great friends here, but you just can't beat someone who has known you since your unfortunate "love sees no color" t-shirt days.

Bon Voyage ET.
-Val

Back in action!!

2006-12-22T00:14:00.000-08:00

For over a week now we have been in blogger purgatory, stuck between the new and old blogger, unable to post. We are thrilled to be back in action!! More to come soon!

Stop Here. Get Spouse. A Christmas Story

2006-12-10T19:26:00.000-08:00

One Christmas after I opened presents from my mom, she turned to me and said, “And your boyfriend’s bringing something special, too.” My aunt, like a great white smelling fresh blood, made a beeline across the room. “Is it a ring? Do you think it’s a ring? What if it’s a ring?” she said, looking expectantly back and forth at my mother and me. Now, we had been together a little over a year and things were going well but marriage? That was crazytalk. Of course he wasn’t proposing. I told her she was nuts and went on setting the table.

But privately I felt nausea and a creeping dread. Other thoughts and emotions were taking over. Shock: Oh my god, what if she’s right? Could she be right? Then horror: Would he really just ask me even though we had never discussed it? I was terrified and sad that if this was it—a proposal—it was not at all how I wanted it to be, so what could that possibly mean for us? Proposing in front of the gaping stares of my entire nosey family? My teasing brothers? Without ever talking to me about marriage? WHO DID HE THINK HE WAS? I wasn’t prepared to answer. I hadn’t even thought about it. Now I was outraged—a thought process and range of emotions that took all of about 60 panic-stricken seconds to complete.

Thankfully I never verbalized this 0-60 silent freakout, since he later showed up with a gift certificate from my favorite Manhattan nail salon that my mom had coordinated with him to get.

Ah, the holidays. If you're single, you're going to be interrogated about why that's so. If you're dating, you're going to be interrogated about whether or not he's proposing.

Right on George Clooney!

2006-12-07T08:46:00.000-08:00

Because I am too cheap to buy magazines, I have to rely on my friend's sloppy seconds. Luckily, they buy them like mad.

So I just read the George Clooney Sexiest Man Alive People Magazine and was thrilled to hear what he had to say about marriage.

People Mag: You told Barbara Walters back in 1995 that, "I'll never marry again." Have you changed your mind?

George: ......."The truth is, I'm really happy. People always go, "Aren't you afraid of being alone or dying alone?" And I just go, "I've also been in relationships where I've been shockingly alone." I don't agree with the idea that you have to have that or it's a failed life. I've been my most happy and my most unhappy in relationships. I have family and friends and people I care very much about. I've got a really, really good life."

Well said. In the Bridal Wave, we stress that getting married is not "winning" in the game of life. Having a spouse is certainly not a happiness guarantee. I'm glad that George is getting the word out. Oh, and he is is super hot. Sorry, had to add that.

2006-12-04T17:48:00.000-08:00

Heidi Klum Christmas carol Wonderland

Thanks for sending this my way, Megan. I like the WOAH-Oh-OH bit the best.

"Big Day" is no "Bridezillas"

2006-12-04T13:30:00.000-08:00

From the NY Times, December 3, 2006: “Big Day,” a riff on reality shows like “Bridezillas” on WE television, takes a minute-by-minute look at a couple’s wedding day, including a blow-up when the bride learns that her mother has conspired with the wedding planner to serve baby lettuce with pear vinaigrette over the “simple” Caesar salad she wants.

From me: Um, I totally disagree about Big Day being a riff on shows like "Bridezillas." Or if it is a riff, it sucks. Bridezilla's is awesome television viewing. Is there anything better than seeing a bride scream at her wedding party?

More from the NY Times article: Josh Goldsmith, an executive producer of “Big Day,” said, “At the time you really believe the kind of salad you eat at your wedding is a life-or-death issue.” He added, “All of the stupid little arguments that you have are really just stand-ins for the big emotions you are really feeling.”

From me: Mr. Goldsmith's show is not being too subtle about trying to illustrate his point. When the daughter threw a fit about her salad she basically said that it is really about her making her own decisions. The characters are all caricatures (immature fiance, momzilla, sis who is so bummed about being the single sis that she sleeps with the best man).

Bridezilla shows real women who act in ways that we only hear about. Getting a peak inside the lives of tragically misbehaved women is pure telenirvana.